Can I be totally transparent for a moment?
Jonathon and I dated when I was in high school. He was based about 40 minutes away from me and already in the Air Force. He was my first boyfriend, and I loved every minute with him.
He ended up breaking my heart, as to be expected since we were so young. We weren't going to be together forever, but I didn't know that. I didn't think about that. I just knew I really liked him and was so upset over him breaking up with me.
We went about our lives for 3 years or so before I was on Facebook and saw he was friends with a guy I was also friends with. I decided to be brave and shoot him an email. He responded. Gasp.
He was based in Germany, but as my timing would have it, he'd be visiting his parents (8 hours from my house) in just a few weeks. He made plans with me to visit and catch up. Gasp again. And he did visit me. We met up and played some miniature golf. I'm sure he won. That didn't matter. I loved being around him. I loved everything about him. As the weekend wrapped up, we said goodbye. We stayed in touch with texts, emails and phone calls. We didn't officially start dating again for a couple of months.
He lived in Maryland now, and I in Colorado. We tried to see each other as much as possible. A weekend here and there. We'd take turns making the 3 hour plane ride and the expense that comes along with it. We'd sight see, do activities, eat out and be as real of a couple as we could for 48 hours.
He asked me a few times to move to Maryland. I hesitated. Leaving everything I've known to be with someone that I wasn't married to (even at 19 years old) didn't make sense to me. I promised God this relationship would be pure because I wanted to give it a fighting shot - with his blessing.
He called me one day saying he received orders to Iraq. For a year. A whole year. 365 days. In Iraq. What was I going to do? Our already very little time together just slipped away. Gone. With one piece of paper. Or probably a lot of papers, but whatever. I didn't want to be apart anymore.
We had a talk, a very frank talk, about marriage. I told him I just wanted to be married before I moved. I made it clear that I didn't think we could do long distance anymore. It was hard. We both needed more and it wasn't going to work long term. We had already hung on for a year. So there it was, a decision to get married. We discussed getting married on his two week R&R from Iraq. Who can plan a wedding around a war? We did. We pictured a fall wedding, warm colors, cool air and everyone we loved there. Then another phone call came. Jon told me his R&R changed to February and he was worried I wouldn't marry him so soon. We changed everything and made it work.
The wedding was beautiful. I had everything I wanted. I planned every detail. I didn't anticipate the fallout of this day, the hardships we endured, the adversity we faced and all of the tears we'd cry.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
At the hospital..
Should I start at the beginning?
Jonathon was up all night the other night in terrible pain that left him vomitting for most of the night. He was feeling better yesterday, and as usual, we attributed the pain to his reflux.
He went to work as normal today, came home fine. I left with Emilie (who's been staying with us) to Wal Mart to grab a few things. When I got back, I looked at Jonathon and told him his eyes were VERY yellow. He kept saying he was fine and no big deal. I sat in our recliner to look up causes for jaundice and how to cook corn on the grill. He came in from the grill, stood at the sink and turned the water on. I looked up at him to tell him about the corn, and boom...he was gone. I just watched him fall, flat backwards, hitting his head on our wood floor.
I called his name twice and ran over to him. Nothing. His eyes were closed, he wasn't speaking. Jackson had come over at that point and became hystercial. He finally woke up, and laid on the floor for a moment. He asked to sit up, and I yelled to Emilie to call my mom to get her to come take Jackson (since he was so hysterical and I needed to get Jon to the doctor as he had refused an ambulance). My mom in the meantime had called my sister, Jennifer, to come get Em and Jackson so she could go with me to the hospital.
During that time, Jonathon passed out another 4-5 times. I was able to get him to wake up a lot quicker than the inital fall, but still very scary.
It only took us 7 minutes to get to the closest hospital in Loveland, which is a whole lot quicker than the ambulance...although if it ever happens again, that's what he'll be riding in. The ER nurse hooked him up to an IV and he seemed to get tons better in a short amount of time. Dehydration?
His test results showed his liver enzymes are off the charts so they assumed it's gallbladder/liver issues. After an ultra sound, it shows he has gall stones, however they aren't blocking anything so currently, they're unsure what is causing the liver issues and the passing out. We'll do more tests in the morning to see what's going on. Until then, my mom left to take Jackson to her house since he was so hysterical over his dad. Jennifer said that as they were approaching the hospital to pick up my mom, he was yelling in the car, "I'm almost there Daddy! I'm on my way!" Such a sweet boy. I miss him tonight, but I really wanted to stay with Jonathon. I have made myself at home on a really cool chair that pulls out to a bed. We'll see how my back feels tomorrow. ;)
Important thing is Jonathon didn't have this happen while he was driving home, or at his office since he's the ONLY one there this week. Thank the Lord that he was home.
Jonathon was up all night the other night in terrible pain that left him vomitting for most of the night. He was feeling better yesterday, and as usual, we attributed the pain to his reflux.
He went to work as normal today, came home fine. I left with Emilie (who's been staying with us) to Wal Mart to grab a few things. When I got back, I looked at Jonathon and told him his eyes were VERY yellow. He kept saying he was fine and no big deal. I sat in our recliner to look up causes for jaundice and how to cook corn on the grill. He came in from the grill, stood at the sink and turned the water on. I looked up at him to tell him about the corn, and boom...he was gone. I just watched him fall, flat backwards, hitting his head on our wood floor.
I called his name twice and ran over to him. Nothing. His eyes were closed, he wasn't speaking. Jackson had come over at that point and became hystercial. He finally woke up, and laid on the floor for a moment. He asked to sit up, and I yelled to Emilie to call my mom to get her to come take Jackson (since he was so hysterical and I needed to get Jon to the doctor as he had refused an ambulance). My mom in the meantime had called my sister, Jennifer, to come get Em and Jackson so she could go with me to the hospital.
During that time, Jonathon passed out another 4-5 times. I was able to get him to wake up a lot quicker than the inital fall, but still very scary.
It only took us 7 minutes to get to the closest hospital in Loveland, which is a whole lot quicker than the ambulance...although if it ever happens again, that's what he'll be riding in. The ER nurse hooked him up to an IV and he seemed to get tons better in a short amount of time. Dehydration?
His test results showed his liver enzymes are off the charts so they assumed it's gallbladder/liver issues. After an ultra sound, it shows he has gall stones, however they aren't blocking anything so currently, they're unsure what is causing the liver issues and the passing out. We'll do more tests in the morning to see what's going on. Until then, my mom left to take Jackson to her house since he was so hysterical over his dad. Jennifer said that as they were approaching the hospital to pick up my mom, he was yelling in the car, "I'm almost there Daddy! I'm on my way!" Such a sweet boy. I miss him tonight, but I really wanted to stay with Jonathon. I have made myself at home on a really cool chair that pulls out to a bed. We'll see how my back feels tomorrow. ;)
Important thing is Jonathon didn't have this happen while he was driving home, or at his office since he's the ONLY one there this week. Thank the Lord that he was home.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Changes
Jackson said "beef" yesterday. He said the beginning and ending sounds perfectly. Who knew he could do "f's" so well?! I was standing at the crock pot, cutting up veggies, and he asked me what was in there. I said "beef stock". He was standing there, on his little step stool across from me, and he said, "beef. beef. BEEF!" And I looked at him, both of our jaws dropped and he smiled and said "It's a new letter!". Yes, son, you did great. I've made him tell everyone we've seen since that he can say BEEF! This is big in the Bayliff house. Looks like talking with mom at home is just as or more effective than speech therapy.
We got stood up a few times by the therapist at school. I was irritated because my son is the most important person in the world - why doesn't everyone see him that way? ;) Really though, it's frustrating. We were on our way to his church camp, and we were supposed to have a session beforehand. It's not easy getting it together that early in the morning only to be stood up. I told Jonathon that it's time to not rely on the school. We've been looking at speech therapists for awhile, however, turns out that they aren't super easy to come by. With Jonathon accepting the position at Holland, we have the opportunity to actually get a doctor to work with him instead of speech pathologists. Hopefully this will be rolling by the time school starts again.
Jackson tested above average in his initial evaluation. *of course he is, duh*. Honestly though, he's so stinkin smart that we felt he needed more. At his current school, there were a lot of distractions. Lots of kids with behavior issues, lots of interesting parenting, and really I believe, lack of funding. The teachers were great, I felt comfortable leaving my child there - but it wasn't fitting for me. I really felt it was important to send him to a private Christian school. Providing Jackson with a solid spiritual faith is the most important thing I can do for him. Besides taking him to an amazing church each weekend, praying each night and talking to him about the Lord, I wasn't sure how to completely solidify how important it is. Then I found it. After church camp, I felt like that's where we are meant to be.
I called Rez, and they were full. Like F-U-L-L. Who knew that other parents felt this feeling months ago and actually got their kid a spot? :( Sad face. I left the director a message anyhow, and hoped that we could do it the following year. Guess what? She had ONE spot available for Jackson in the 4's class. (The class we wanted, even though he was supposed to be 4 by the beginning of school. Obvs, he won't be 4 until Sept 14) They gave that spot to Jackson. School is 3 days a week, but we had the option of adding on 2 days of "Enrichment". Apparently, this is apx 5-1 kid to teacher ratio, more hands on projects and more Bible study. You can get all of that, too, for an extra $100 added to tuition. Blech.
It took Jonathon all of 10 seconds after the tour to ask for the paperwork to fill out. We decided the money is well spent. We thought that in 10 years, we won't be able to identify what we spent that money on - unless we invest it into our child. We are so excited to start this new journey. They have some of the most amazing teachers. Teachers who love God. They have the funding to do amazing things. And....they are cirriculum based, not play based. LOVE IT! Does that sound snobby? Well whatever. Their school is ahead of the curve. I want a piece of that for my kid and I'm so so so so so excited that we're making it happen. Now onto making the whole ice hockey thing happen. Jackson loves all sports, but now he wants to try ice hockey. Good thing it's my favorite sport. This kid keeps us busy!! He's adorable.
Jonathon is liking being home. I'm sure his old life was quieter, but this is easier. He likes his office, likes that it's so close by and that he's home in time for dinner. Finally, things are getting easier.
Melanie's wedding is in 2 weeks. Make sure to check back for me in a rockin navy blue dress that I really didn't want to wear. ;) Kiddingnotkidding.
In other news, can I just say what a cook I've become? We had Colorado Burritos tonight. Delish, although, of course mine were meatless. I felt so sick right before making them, but three burritos in, I was better. Ha, they were small, I promise.
We got stood up a few times by the therapist at school. I was irritated because my son is the most important person in the world - why doesn't everyone see him that way? ;) Really though, it's frustrating. We were on our way to his church camp, and we were supposed to have a session beforehand. It's not easy getting it together that early in the morning only to be stood up. I told Jonathon that it's time to not rely on the school. We've been looking at speech therapists for awhile, however, turns out that they aren't super easy to come by. With Jonathon accepting the position at Holland, we have the opportunity to actually get a doctor to work with him instead of speech pathologists. Hopefully this will be rolling by the time school starts again.
Jackson tested above average in his initial evaluation. *of course he is, duh*. Honestly though, he's so stinkin smart that we felt he needed more. At his current school, there were a lot of distractions. Lots of kids with behavior issues, lots of interesting parenting, and really I believe, lack of funding. The teachers were great, I felt comfortable leaving my child there - but it wasn't fitting for me. I really felt it was important to send him to a private Christian school. Providing Jackson with a solid spiritual faith is the most important thing I can do for him. Besides taking him to an amazing church each weekend, praying each night and talking to him about the Lord, I wasn't sure how to completely solidify how important it is. Then I found it. After church camp, I felt like that's where we are meant to be.
I called Rez, and they were full. Like F-U-L-L. Who knew that other parents felt this feeling months ago and actually got their kid a spot? :( Sad face. I left the director a message anyhow, and hoped that we could do it the following year. Guess what? She had ONE spot available for Jackson in the 4's class. (The class we wanted, even though he was supposed to be 4 by the beginning of school. Obvs, he won't be 4 until Sept 14) They gave that spot to Jackson. School is 3 days a week, but we had the option of adding on 2 days of "Enrichment". Apparently, this is apx 5-1 kid to teacher ratio, more hands on projects and more Bible study. You can get all of that, too, for an extra $100 added to tuition. Blech.
It took Jonathon all of 10 seconds after the tour to ask for the paperwork to fill out. We decided the money is well spent. We thought that in 10 years, we won't be able to identify what we spent that money on - unless we invest it into our child. We are so excited to start this new journey. They have some of the most amazing teachers. Teachers who love God. They have the funding to do amazing things. And....they are cirriculum based, not play based. LOVE IT! Does that sound snobby? Well whatever. Their school is ahead of the curve. I want a piece of that for my kid and I'm so so so so so excited that we're making it happen. Now onto making the whole ice hockey thing happen. Jackson loves all sports, but now he wants to try ice hockey. Good thing it's my favorite sport. This kid keeps us busy!! He's adorable.
Jonathon is liking being home. I'm sure his old life was quieter, but this is easier. He likes his office, likes that it's so close by and that he's home in time for dinner. Finally, things are getting easier.
Melanie's wedding is in 2 weeks. Make sure to check back for me in a rockin navy blue dress that I really didn't want to wear. ;) Kiddingnotkidding.
In other news, can I just say what a cook I've become? We had Colorado Burritos tonight. Delish, although, of course mine were meatless. I felt so sick right before making them, but three burritos in, I was better. Ha, they were small, I promise.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Public Statement?
When I was praying so hard for my dad to seal the deal on the new job in Colorado, I realized that there may be some misunderstandings as to why this needed to happen for my family to be reunited, instead of me moving to North Dakota to be with Jonathon while he worked there. I'm not sure I've really had this conversation with many people, so I wanted explain it a little bit.
Jonathon and I had many conversations about how much we enjoy Colorado. I've lived other places, he's certainly lived other places, but we actually truly like Colorado. My parents discussed moving at one point, and I said, "Have fun! I'm staying here". I love that my family is 10 miles away, but there's a lot more to it than that. That being said, when Jon made the choice to leave the military life behind, we decided we'd settle in Colorado. At least for now. We never anticipated him leaving to work in another state.
My dad called 10 days after Jonathon got in from Korea offering him a job. At that point, we didn't have another job lined up, or another plan. We talked about it a lot before agreeing to live apart AGAIN. It just so happened that Jonathon ended up loving the job. Instead of "something for now", it became the job he wanted. I offered several times to move to North Dakota. Both he and my dad explained in detail that the town is not kid friendly. It isn't family friendly. The rent there was outrageous. The groceries are even more expensive. That wasn't the deciding factor. My dad kept saying "Just hang on. This isn't the end game". He worked a few deals that didn't fit quite right for what the guys needed and he waited it out.
This deal with this massive company is perfect. My dad has promoted Jonathon to his very own position, allowing him to work in an office instead of some field in North Dakota somewhere, which means he'd be able to move home and have a "normal" job. That type of work is great for some guys - and was great for my dad when he was young - but we have a family, and we need Jonathon home each night.
It may look like I was trying to get rid of Jon, or didn't care to live with him. I hate that it looks that way. I've been a "single" parent for 90% of Jackson's life. That's not easy. I want more than anything to live with my husband. My Grandma (who was probably the wisest person ever) lived away from my Grandpa for a majority of their marriage. She always said "distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder". She also said she had to build her own life so she wasn't lonely, disappointed or just waiting. I don't want that. Jonathon doesn't want that. We are active in our marriage and want the family life that we experience when he's home. My Grandpa (the other wisest person ever), when asked "How are you?", would always say, "If I complain, nobody listens". Aint that the truth? So we don't. We don't talk about how hard it is, or how frustrating it gets. It is what it is. This shouldn't be mistaken for indifference. It's hiding.
It's not easy missing out on everything when you don't live together. We missed Valentine's Day and both of our birthdays this year so far. Hopefully we can sneak Easter in.
By being brave and exposing all of this, I hope you'll join me in prayer that it's God's will to bring him back home with this new job. Thanks!
Jonathon and I had many conversations about how much we enjoy Colorado. I've lived other places, he's certainly lived other places, but we actually truly like Colorado. My parents discussed moving at one point, and I said, "Have fun! I'm staying here". I love that my family is 10 miles away, but there's a lot more to it than that. That being said, when Jon made the choice to leave the military life behind, we decided we'd settle in Colorado. At least for now. We never anticipated him leaving to work in another state.
My dad called 10 days after Jonathon got in from Korea offering him a job. At that point, we didn't have another job lined up, or another plan. We talked about it a lot before agreeing to live apart AGAIN. It just so happened that Jonathon ended up loving the job. Instead of "something for now", it became the job he wanted. I offered several times to move to North Dakota. Both he and my dad explained in detail that the town is not kid friendly. It isn't family friendly. The rent there was outrageous. The groceries are even more expensive. That wasn't the deciding factor. My dad kept saying "Just hang on. This isn't the end game". He worked a few deals that didn't fit quite right for what the guys needed and he waited it out.
This deal with this massive company is perfect. My dad has promoted Jonathon to his very own position, allowing him to work in an office instead of some field in North Dakota somewhere, which means he'd be able to move home and have a "normal" job. That type of work is great for some guys - and was great for my dad when he was young - but we have a family, and we need Jonathon home each night.
It may look like I was trying to get rid of Jon, or didn't care to live with him. I hate that it looks that way. I've been a "single" parent for 90% of Jackson's life. That's not easy. I want more than anything to live with my husband. My Grandma (who was probably the wisest person ever) lived away from my Grandpa for a majority of their marriage. She always said "distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder". She also said she had to build her own life so she wasn't lonely, disappointed or just waiting. I don't want that. Jonathon doesn't want that. We are active in our marriage and want the family life that we experience when he's home. My Grandpa (the other wisest person ever), when asked "How are you?", would always say, "If I complain, nobody listens". Aint that the truth? So we don't. We don't talk about how hard it is, or how frustrating it gets. It is what it is. This shouldn't be mistaken for indifference. It's hiding.
It's not easy missing out on everything when you don't live together. We missed Valentine's Day and both of our birthdays this year so far. Hopefully we can sneak Easter in.
By being brave and exposing all of this, I hope you'll join me in prayer that it's God's will to bring him back home with this new job. Thanks!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Dear Jackson
I started writing to Jackson in February 2009 - yes, a whole 7 months before he was born. Before we knew he was a "he". Before we had a car seat or knew how our lives would change. Those letters in that little notebook detailed his beginning, and every so often I'll break out the notebook and write him a letter and a prayer that's specific to what's going on at the time. This may not be in the book yet - but here's today's:
Dear Jackson,
Your smile makes my day. I stand back and watch you as you play with your police cars, ride your scooter and choose your own snack. It's hard for me to believe that in 3 short years you've gone from needing me for everything, to wanting to do it all yourself. Admittedly, there were nights when you were a baby that I prayed you'd fall asleep in your crib without me having to rock you for an entire hour. Now all I wish is that I could do it one more time.
I tucked you in tonight and saw my baby in your "big boy" face. I ended up kissing you goodnight just one more time because of it. You still want a pacifier and your beloved blankies. I'm told you should give these things up. I believe there is plenty of time for that. One day you'll ask me to pack those blankets away. The ones you've slept with since you came home from the hospital. The ones that have seen all the spit up, blow outs, tears and laughter. The blue one was given to your dad while he was in Korea for a year. That's your favorite one to keep in the car right now. I'm not ready to put them away.
You always ask for "5 more minutes" and if that doesn't work, you ask for "2". I'm not sure you actually know how long that is, but you fully understand that you get more time to wrestle with your dad, watch your favorite television show or just avoid having to get into bed that minute. You can always have 5 more minutes.
Today I asked you to take off your shoes and put them on the rug by the front door. You said "ok, Mom". I took mine off and set them by the stairs. You came by and offered to put mine away as well. Thank you for thinking of me, and thank you for showing me that I asked you to do something that I didn't do myself. Of course that was small scale, but I had the realization that I will always have to be the person that I want you to become.
Your love for broccoli, salad, salmon and water amazes me. I've never met a preschooler who chooses a bottle of water over juice, or has a very difficult time choosing between a kids meal at Chick Fil A for the Franklin book, or getting the salad since that's what you actually want to eat. I've bragged about your food choices to anyone who will listen - but mostly because I don't eat any of those things and I admire you for it. I encourage it. I hope it stays with you. I'll continue to eat my cinnamon roll in private so you don't realize that I truly think the smell of steamed broccoli is disgusting.
I know it hurts your heart to say goodbye to your dad so often. You don't know how many times he tells me how bad he wants a job closer to his family. We pray about it. We beg for it. But for now, this is our life and you're such a champ for going with it. I choose to talk about your dad everyday because I want you to know how important you are to him. He works for you. He works so hard so that I don't have to be away from you as well. He gave us that gift and I'll always be forever thankful for him wanting me to be with you. Not everyone has a dad like you. He's special. I hope you always adore him the way you do now. The way I do.
The other day you were fake shooting some geese. I told your dad we must be the worst parents in the world because you'd rather pretend to be hunting or using your tool set than doing other little kid things. However, the more I thought about it, you spending time with your Papa and Dad in the garage fixing cars and building things is the best thing you could ever do. Soak up everything they have to tell you. Remember the smell of the dirty car parts and how you got to hand them tools. You'll never regret choosing to be with them over playing with matchbox cars.
You amaze me. You make me better. You're my everything.
Dear Jackson,
Your smile makes my day. I stand back and watch you as you play with your police cars, ride your scooter and choose your own snack. It's hard for me to believe that in 3 short years you've gone from needing me for everything, to wanting to do it all yourself. Admittedly, there were nights when you were a baby that I prayed you'd fall asleep in your crib without me having to rock you for an entire hour. Now all I wish is that I could do it one more time.
I tucked you in tonight and saw my baby in your "big boy" face. I ended up kissing you goodnight just one more time because of it. You still want a pacifier and your beloved blankies. I'm told you should give these things up. I believe there is plenty of time for that. One day you'll ask me to pack those blankets away. The ones you've slept with since you came home from the hospital. The ones that have seen all the spit up, blow outs, tears and laughter. The blue one was given to your dad while he was in Korea for a year. That's your favorite one to keep in the car right now. I'm not ready to put them away.
You always ask for "5 more minutes" and if that doesn't work, you ask for "2". I'm not sure you actually know how long that is, but you fully understand that you get more time to wrestle with your dad, watch your favorite television show or just avoid having to get into bed that minute. You can always have 5 more minutes.
Today I asked you to take off your shoes and put them on the rug by the front door. You said "ok, Mom". I took mine off and set them by the stairs. You came by and offered to put mine away as well. Thank you for thinking of me, and thank you for showing me that I asked you to do something that I didn't do myself. Of course that was small scale, but I had the realization that I will always have to be the person that I want you to become.
Your love for broccoli, salad, salmon and water amazes me. I've never met a preschooler who chooses a bottle of water over juice, or has a very difficult time choosing between a kids meal at Chick Fil A for the Franklin book, or getting the salad since that's what you actually want to eat. I've bragged about your food choices to anyone who will listen - but mostly because I don't eat any of those things and I admire you for it. I encourage it. I hope it stays with you. I'll continue to eat my cinnamon roll in private so you don't realize that I truly think the smell of steamed broccoli is disgusting.
I know it hurts your heart to say goodbye to your dad so often. You don't know how many times he tells me how bad he wants a job closer to his family. We pray about it. We beg for it. But for now, this is our life and you're such a champ for going with it. I choose to talk about your dad everyday because I want you to know how important you are to him. He works for you. He works so hard so that I don't have to be away from you as well. He gave us that gift and I'll always be forever thankful for him wanting me to be with you. Not everyone has a dad like you. He's special. I hope you always adore him the way you do now. The way I do.
The other day you were fake shooting some geese. I told your dad we must be the worst parents in the world because you'd rather pretend to be hunting or using your tool set than doing other little kid things. However, the more I thought about it, you spending time with your Papa and Dad in the garage fixing cars and building things is the best thing you could ever do. Soak up everything they have to tell you. Remember the smell of the dirty car parts and how you got to hand them tools. You'll never regret choosing to be with them over playing with matchbox cars.
You amaze me. You make me better. You're my everything.
To-Do's
A good conversation got me thinking. One of my very best friends will be living apart from her husband for half the week each week for a few months. She has more kids than I do, more stress than I do, more to-do than I do, and more courage than I do - but she asked me how Jonathon and I are able to live apart for so long and not go crazy.
My response is, "I'm no pro!". Then I started thinking of how we actually survive. How our marriage survives, how Jackson survives, and how we make life go on even when we're not together.
"Lists." I told her. "I make lots and lots of lists. Sometimes everything on that sheet of paper gets done, sometimes 2 things get done. I never frown at my failures that day, I just move them to the next day, or next week depending." Wow, she just asked my advice and I told her to make a list? Great, Natalie.
Really though, in all honesty, it's calming for me to write down everything that should be getting done. I usually make a list of 10 items to do the following day. They can be as big as detailing my car, or as small and specific as making sure the garbage can gets to the curb. I also said to throw in some things you KNOW you have to do, such as feed your child lunch. Take it to a new level and plan out the meal as well.
There's also a specific day for everything at my house. A day for errands, a day for grocery shopping, etc. Look, if I'm going to stay at home, I want to be the most efficient at what I do.
Another thing I said to do was not think about it. Geez, I'm getting great at the advice...
When Jon was in Korea, I felt like I had days that it crippled me that I was doing everything alone with no break. I noticed that on those days, when Jackson was hysterical and we were living with my parents instead of having our own space - I really over thought the situation. I was angry that he had CHOSEN to go to Korea. That's just the truth. And the more I thought about the fact that I was volunteered to do this alone made it worse. I was only allowed to miss Jonathon after Jackson was in bed and I had already gotten though the day.
Sounds simple, but plan on everything being my responsibility and I won't be disappointed when no knight on a white horse shows up to help me. Knowing this made life tremendously easier. It made me be able to miss my husband without being so angry about it.
I also said living apart sounds harder than it is. Ok, yes, there's days that it totally sucks. But I found my own routine, enjoyed my quiet time after 8pm, and I've lived to tell the world my experience.
My response is, "I'm no pro!". Then I started thinking of how we actually survive. How our marriage survives, how Jackson survives, and how we make life go on even when we're not together.
"Lists." I told her. "I make lots and lots of lists. Sometimes everything on that sheet of paper gets done, sometimes 2 things get done. I never frown at my failures that day, I just move them to the next day, or next week depending." Wow, she just asked my advice and I told her to make a list? Great, Natalie.
Really though, in all honesty, it's calming for me to write down everything that should be getting done. I usually make a list of 10 items to do the following day. They can be as big as detailing my car, or as small and specific as making sure the garbage can gets to the curb. I also said to throw in some things you KNOW you have to do, such as feed your child lunch. Take it to a new level and plan out the meal as well.
There's also a specific day for everything at my house. A day for errands, a day for grocery shopping, etc. Look, if I'm going to stay at home, I want to be the most efficient at what I do.
Another thing I said to do was not think about it. Geez, I'm getting great at the advice...
When Jon was in Korea, I felt like I had days that it crippled me that I was doing everything alone with no break. I noticed that on those days, when Jackson was hysterical and we were living with my parents instead of having our own space - I really over thought the situation. I was angry that he had CHOSEN to go to Korea. That's just the truth. And the more I thought about the fact that I was volunteered to do this alone made it worse. I was only allowed to miss Jonathon after Jackson was in bed and I had already gotten though the day.
Sounds simple, but plan on everything being my responsibility and I won't be disappointed when no knight on a white horse shows up to help me. Knowing this made life tremendously easier. It made me be able to miss my husband without being so angry about it.
I also said living apart sounds harder than it is. Ok, yes, there's days that it totally sucks. But I found my own routine, enjoyed my quiet time after 8pm, and I've lived to tell the world my experience.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Being Thankful
I'll do something I NEVER do - I'll let the whole world know (ok, maybe the 5 of you who read what I write..) about a specific fight Jonathon and I had.
Ok, well, this is embarrassing. I don't even remember what we argued about. Honestly it doesn't matter. It wasn't the disagreement that brought on the profound idea I had.
These last couple years, we've known too many people be diagnosed with illnesses, pass away, suffer loss of a child, and really just get a sucky, raw deal. I've been stewing on these ideas and circumstances for a very long time, honestly probably a few years.
It's always in the back of my mind that illness is always a possibility. I see that accidents happen.
I listen to the fundraisers for St. Jude Children's Hospital. I cry. A lot. Prayer has gotten to me more and more over the years. I used to pray as I fell asleep in high school and I'd joke that God gets tired of listening to me so he puts me to sleep. Now, I pray while I'm fully wide awake so I don't miss a single thing. There's a saying, "What if you woke up today with only the things you prayed for yesterday". Holy! I take that one to heart.
At the beginning of the year, I was on my way to get breakfast when my favorite radio station was broadcasting live at the fundraiser for St. Jude's. I honest to God cried my whole way home. Needless to say, we now make monthly donations to that hospital, and pray we never need to go there ourselves. Jon had a family member receive a cancer diagnosis and it REALLY hit home for me. The odd thing was, I didn't know this family member too well - but it didn't stop me from going infront of my church, with full on tears asking for our Senior pastor to lead the 400+ congregation in prayer for this special person.
First off, I don't do things like that. I am a silent observer and I keep my faith very close to the vest. I talk to God all day long, yet asking my church to pray with me was so foreign. Anyhow, these kids in these hospitals have such a special place in my heart.
Then there are the kids who don't have enough to eat. My child complains when we're out of Goldfish, and there are actually children starving. I think about all the parents out there who are honest to goodness good people but they lost their job and have no clue how they'll feed their kids.
I think about the kids who don't have a forever home. They're lonely, confused, angry and they have every right to be.
Back to the fight. I told Jon that he complains too much. I'm an avid believer if you want more trials and tests on your plate, then complain. It's like a challenge to God. Let's not challenge God. I know he DOES NOT punish, but he TEACHES and sometimes those lessons are ROUGH. I looked at my amazing husband and said, "At some point, you need to look around and be thankful that our child is healthy, and happy, and secure and safe. He is smart and perfect and the most gorgeous kid I've ever seen. Be thankful you have a job and a home. We have food on the table every night". He looked at me and just said, "you're absolutely right". Whoa.
That's the cool thing about marriage. I'm able to remind him of all the things we have and he's able to teach me lessons I wouldn't have otherwise gotten. Let's all put more into our marriage than what we take out. Do you want to win or do you want to be married?
As for me, besides my amazingly perfect child, I'm thankful that I have such a great husband. I'm thankful that we've made it. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about how we'll pay our bills or keep the heat on. I'm thankful that I have an all loving God to turn to when I'm happy, sad, angry, confused, lonely, thankful, or just need a friend. I'm thankful to have such amazing friends. I'm thankful that I've been blessed in every area of my life and I know it's only going to get better from here. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.
Ok, well, this is embarrassing. I don't even remember what we argued about. Honestly it doesn't matter. It wasn't the disagreement that brought on the profound idea I had.
These last couple years, we've known too many people be diagnosed with illnesses, pass away, suffer loss of a child, and really just get a sucky, raw deal. I've been stewing on these ideas and circumstances for a very long time, honestly probably a few years.
It's always in the back of my mind that illness is always a possibility. I see that accidents happen.
I listen to the fundraisers for St. Jude Children's Hospital. I cry. A lot. Prayer has gotten to me more and more over the years. I used to pray as I fell asleep in high school and I'd joke that God gets tired of listening to me so he puts me to sleep. Now, I pray while I'm fully wide awake so I don't miss a single thing. There's a saying, "What if you woke up today with only the things you prayed for yesterday". Holy! I take that one to heart.
At the beginning of the year, I was on my way to get breakfast when my favorite radio station was broadcasting live at the fundraiser for St. Jude's. I honest to God cried my whole way home. Needless to say, we now make monthly donations to that hospital, and pray we never need to go there ourselves. Jon had a family member receive a cancer diagnosis and it REALLY hit home for me. The odd thing was, I didn't know this family member too well - but it didn't stop me from going infront of my church, with full on tears asking for our Senior pastor to lead the 400+ congregation in prayer for this special person.
First off, I don't do things like that. I am a silent observer and I keep my faith very close to the vest. I talk to God all day long, yet asking my church to pray with me was so foreign. Anyhow, these kids in these hospitals have such a special place in my heart.
Then there are the kids who don't have enough to eat. My child complains when we're out of Goldfish, and there are actually children starving. I think about all the parents out there who are honest to goodness good people but they lost their job and have no clue how they'll feed their kids.
I think about the kids who don't have a forever home. They're lonely, confused, angry and they have every right to be.
Back to the fight. I told Jon that he complains too much. I'm an avid believer if you want more trials and tests on your plate, then complain. It's like a challenge to God. Let's not challenge God. I know he DOES NOT punish, but he TEACHES and sometimes those lessons are ROUGH. I looked at my amazing husband and said, "At some point, you need to look around and be thankful that our child is healthy, and happy, and secure and safe. He is smart and perfect and the most gorgeous kid I've ever seen. Be thankful you have a job and a home. We have food on the table every night". He looked at me and just said, "you're absolutely right". Whoa.
That's the cool thing about marriage. I'm able to remind him of all the things we have and he's able to teach me lessons I wouldn't have otherwise gotten. Let's all put more into our marriage than what we take out. Do you want to win or do you want to be married?
As for me, besides my amazingly perfect child, I'm thankful that I have such a great husband. I'm thankful that we've made it. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about how we'll pay our bills or keep the heat on. I'm thankful that I have an all loving God to turn to when I'm happy, sad, angry, confused, lonely, thankful, or just need a friend. I'm thankful to have such amazing friends. I'm thankful that I've been blessed in every area of my life and I know it's only going to get better from here. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Here it is
If you know me, or rather know me well, you'll know my plan was to become a writer. Not just write in my spare time and call my hobby "writing", but rather have a desk at a job that actually pays me to write for them. I wanted to be known for my work, and possibly even have a pen name.
The plan was to live in New York, and only come home for the holidays. I'd live alone, and decorate any way I wanted because I was the only one I had to answer to.
Then, out of absolutely no where, during a trip to Florida, the total unexpected happened. Jon walked back into my life. He was my first relationship, my first love and my first heartbreak. He walked back into my life as simply as he had walked out 3 years before. I NEEDED to be with him again. I felt it in the depths of my very being that I HAD to be with him. I was nervous to trust again, and after making him wait a few months, we were back together.
Add in a few years together, a beautiful wedding, a difficult deployment, facing so many negative forces, learning to be adults, living on our own far away from anything familiar and finding our path for our marriage - it was a crash course in "life".
Fast forward to what this post is actually supposed to be about. My sister told me I was pregnant. You read that right. I didn't know. Honest to God the only thing I can actually say looking back is I was so tired around Christmas and on New Years Eve when I tried to have a glass of wine, it tasted horrid. By the 3rd of January, I found out I was pregnant. From that minute, even thinking about my child in day care - this little embryo - terrified me. Jonathon and I talked for a long time before deciding I'd stay home with our child. It was thought out, calculated, discussed and discussed some more.
My plan for my life had already fallen apart by marrying a military man. I loved the new plan. But now, the old plan was a million miles away from my reach. I'd be a stay at home mom - the very thing I didn't want right away. Yet, I couldn't imagine the other option - saying goodbye to my perfect child each morning and missing their day. Let me say, there is NOTHING wrong with working mothers. I think it's amazing to juggle so many hats in the family. However, it wasn't for me. I play the guilt card far too often and I knew it'd eat me alive to not be with my baby for every minute.
Even on hard days, I wouldn't trade it. All the stigma of staying at home is still there in the world, but I can say with a glad heart that this is best for my child, and for our family. There are days I think about my cute, tiny New York apartment, but it doesn't even kind of compare to looking into Jackson's face each morning knowing he's my teammate in life. He is my helper, and my dose of what's good in the world.
I came into being a stay at home mom really nervous. Now, I really love serving my family - more than I ever could have imagined. I take pride in Jackson's manners, how much he enjoys reading and that he still wants to hold my hand as he falls asleep.
I enjoy that my husband can come home from work with a massive basket of dirty work clothes, and leaves with a pile of fresh ones. I enjoy cooking meals I know he'll love or picking up the necessities he needs. I like that he can call me during the day and ask me to handle something he just can't get to, or doesn't know how to do.
For some women, the term "serving" may be outdated or possibly even offensive. By serving my family, I'm also serving God. I'm preparing my son to be a man of God and a future husband and father. I want to enjoy the ONE childhood he gets. I need to pack so much into these precious years. If that means that my old dreams stay just that, then I'll be ok. Because you know what? My life is full.
The plan was to live in New York, and only come home for the holidays. I'd live alone, and decorate any way I wanted because I was the only one I had to answer to.
Then, out of absolutely no where, during a trip to Florida, the total unexpected happened. Jon walked back into my life. He was my first relationship, my first love and my first heartbreak. He walked back into my life as simply as he had walked out 3 years before. I NEEDED to be with him again. I felt it in the depths of my very being that I HAD to be with him. I was nervous to trust again, and after making him wait a few months, we were back together.
Add in a few years together, a beautiful wedding, a difficult deployment, facing so many negative forces, learning to be adults, living on our own far away from anything familiar and finding our path for our marriage - it was a crash course in "life".
Fast forward to what this post is actually supposed to be about. My sister told me I was pregnant. You read that right. I didn't know. Honest to God the only thing I can actually say looking back is I was so tired around Christmas and on New Years Eve when I tried to have a glass of wine, it tasted horrid. By the 3rd of January, I found out I was pregnant. From that minute, even thinking about my child in day care - this little embryo - terrified me. Jonathon and I talked for a long time before deciding I'd stay home with our child. It was thought out, calculated, discussed and discussed some more.
My plan for my life had already fallen apart by marrying a military man. I loved the new plan. But now, the old plan was a million miles away from my reach. I'd be a stay at home mom - the very thing I didn't want right away. Yet, I couldn't imagine the other option - saying goodbye to my perfect child each morning and missing their day. Let me say, there is NOTHING wrong with working mothers. I think it's amazing to juggle so many hats in the family. However, it wasn't for me. I play the guilt card far too often and I knew it'd eat me alive to not be with my baby for every minute.
Even on hard days, I wouldn't trade it. All the stigma of staying at home is still there in the world, but I can say with a glad heart that this is best for my child, and for our family. There are days I think about my cute, tiny New York apartment, but it doesn't even kind of compare to looking into Jackson's face each morning knowing he's my teammate in life. He is my helper, and my dose of what's good in the world.
I came into being a stay at home mom really nervous. Now, I really love serving my family - more than I ever could have imagined. I take pride in Jackson's manners, how much he enjoys reading and that he still wants to hold my hand as he falls asleep.
I enjoy that my husband can come home from work with a massive basket of dirty work clothes, and leaves with a pile of fresh ones. I enjoy cooking meals I know he'll love or picking up the necessities he needs. I like that he can call me during the day and ask me to handle something he just can't get to, or doesn't know how to do.
For some women, the term "serving" may be outdated or possibly even offensive. By serving my family, I'm also serving God. I'm preparing my son to be a man of God and a future husband and father. I want to enjoy the ONE childhood he gets. I need to pack so much into these precious years. If that means that my old dreams stay just that, then I'll be ok. Because you know what? My life is full.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I know I'm a parent because...
This is simple. I have so many reasons I know I'm a mom. Sitting and thinking about how my life has changed brings up so many memories that seem so far away. I'm different now. I might be more boring now, but overall, it's made me such a better person.
I'm the first to say that Jackson is a miracle. He's something we didn't even know we needed, but I know Jonathon and I could never live without him. He makes us whole. He fills a huge space in my heart that nothing and no one else could ever fill. Now that you're assured I love him and wouldn't trade him for anything, here are a few reasons I know I'm a parent - and maybe some misconceptions about labor, delivering a child, having a newborn and raising a toddler. Warning: I'm going to be honest here.
1. I've never been more pissed off in my life than the time the night nurse told me that I should try sitting on an exercise ball to ease the pain of a contraction. Lady, I've been in labor all night. These contractions are getting worse - I don't want to sit and bounce on a ball. I'd rather rip your face off and then ask for some medicine.
2. I've never been happier in my life than when above mentioned nurse had shift change and my new day nurse greeted me by wheeling in a cart of meds, saying hello and then giving me a shot of I don't know what - but it made my day, and ultimately her day, a lot better.
3. Yes. Delivering your child is a miracle. The baby is a miracle, everything is super blessed. I get it. No one tells you that after delivering a baby, it looks and feels like a terrorist just bombed and blew up your private parts. Just the truth.
4. I never heard that after delivering said miracle, you go home and still look pregnant. Obvs, I didn't think I'd drop 30 pounds in the delivery room, but good grief, I thought I might have Jackson's twin stuck in my uterus because I really still looked pregnant.
5. Babies don't sleep. Yup, we know this. But did you know that they cry for absolutely no reason? Then when you call your husband after listening to the crying for 2 hours, he stops home to help and the child falls asleep as husband is pulling in the driveway. Seriously? That's shady.
6. Kids are tricky. Things that worked yesterday, or this morning for that matter, do not work right now. Bananas are his favorite food, you buy a bunch of bananas. He decides bananas are disgusting and would rather go hungry and cry and make you cry because you should have known.
7. You are a parent now because you and your husband discuss poop more than once a day. Someone else's poop for that matter. Suddenly, poop is a topic that has absolutely no stigma attached to it and it's talked about freely. It becomes need-to-know information. Um, when did that happen?!
8. Kids go through a hitting stage. I've been hit, and while I proceed to promptly put him in time out, he looks at me and cries and hugs me because I've now offended him somehow by punishing him for clocking me in the side of my face. Great. I feel like a jerk. Time out happens anyway and I stand around the corner feeling horrid.
9. Everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your child. And guess what? You're always doing it wrong.
10. At the end of the day, tucking my sweet boy in bed, hearing him call me "mom", feeling his hugs and kisses makes every one of these things worth it. And, you may just want to do it all again.
I'm the first to say that Jackson is a miracle. He's something we didn't even know we needed, but I know Jonathon and I could never live without him. He makes us whole. He fills a huge space in my heart that nothing and no one else could ever fill. Now that you're assured I love him and wouldn't trade him for anything, here are a few reasons I know I'm a parent - and maybe some misconceptions about labor, delivering a child, having a newborn and raising a toddler. Warning: I'm going to be honest here.
1. I've never been more pissed off in my life than the time the night nurse told me that I should try sitting on an exercise ball to ease the pain of a contraction. Lady, I've been in labor all night. These contractions are getting worse - I don't want to sit and bounce on a ball. I'd rather rip your face off and then ask for some medicine.
2. I've never been happier in my life than when above mentioned nurse had shift change and my new day nurse greeted me by wheeling in a cart of meds, saying hello and then giving me a shot of I don't know what - but it made my day, and ultimately her day, a lot better.
3. Yes. Delivering your child is a miracle. The baby is a miracle, everything is super blessed. I get it. No one tells you that after delivering a baby, it looks and feels like a terrorist just bombed and blew up your private parts. Just the truth.
4. I never heard that after delivering said miracle, you go home and still look pregnant. Obvs, I didn't think I'd drop 30 pounds in the delivery room, but good grief, I thought I might have Jackson's twin stuck in my uterus because I really still looked pregnant.
5. Babies don't sleep. Yup, we know this. But did you know that they cry for absolutely no reason? Then when you call your husband after listening to the crying for 2 hours, he stops home to help and the child falls asleep as husband is pulling in the driveway. Seriously? That's shady.
6. Kids are tricky. Things that worked yesterday, or this morning for that matter, do not work right now. Bananas are his favorite food, you buy a bunch of bananas. He decides bananas are disgusting and would rather go hungry and cry and make you cry because you should have known.
7. You are a parent now because you and your husband discuss poop more than once a day. Someone else's poop for that matter. Suddenly, poop is a topic that has absolutely no stigma attached to it and it's talked about freely. It becomes need-to-know information. Um, when did that happen?!
8. Kids go through a hitting stage. I've been hit, and while I proceed to promptly put him in time out, he looks at me and cries and hugs me because I've now offended him somehow by punishing him for clocking me in the side of my face. Great. I feel like a jerk. Time out happens anyway and I stand around the corner feeling horrid.
9. Everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your child. And guess what? You're always doing it wrong.
10. At the end of the day, tucking my sweet boy in bed, hearing him call me "mom", feeling his hugs and kisses makes every one of these things worth it. And, you may just want to do it all again.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
A few things..
I recently posted on Facebook that I unpacked a box full of free goodies. I don't mean samples of shampoo that I get in the mail, but rather normal items that we buy but get a great deal on. I was flooded with inbox messages on my "magic", and the reality is: there isn't any!
In a previous post, (2 posts down..) I highlighted one shopping trip. The real idea is that it takes time to stock up on items for a "stock pile". I don't need to go all Extreme Couponing and buy 200 bottles of mustard, because that doesn't make sense for my family, so even if it's a good deal, it's a waste of money for us.
However, when Jonathon was in the military, he had to shave every other day. He and I both have sensitive skin, so we never bought cheap razors. Luckily, the expensive ones are usually the best deal. I can get them for about $1 a piece, rather than the $6-$8 they normally cost. This IS a good deal for us. Decide what your family needs, and look for deals on those items. Don't get caught up in a good deal, because if it's not something you'd normally use - it's a waste. The exception to this is, if it's free and can be donated to a battered women's shelter, humane society, needy family, etc.
I find most of my deals at Target. They have coupons on their website (http://coupons.target.com/#?lnk=nav_t_spc_13_inc_13_16) that you can stack with manufacturer coupons. This means awesome deals on most items. UTILIZE THIS! I recently got Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Dora's Memory Game, Don't Spill the Beans and a card game ABSOLUTELY FREE at Target because of a stacked coupon. Same with Play Doh. I have at least 100 containers of the stuff - some of them the cute tiny tubs. These will make great party favors. I also bought about 50 bottles of Flinstones and One A Day vitamins because instead of spending $6-$9 (depending on the bottle), I spent a whopping $0.30 each.
The razors for example usually have a $3 coupon in the P&G insert of the newspaper (once a month). Target runs gift card deals, where if you buy 2 razors you'll get a $5 Target gift card. Ok - so if you buy two razors at $6.50, you have (2) $3 coupons, and you get a $5 gift card back, you're only paying $1 each. That's when I buy 20 of them because this deal may not come around for another 6 months. I do count gift cards back as money, because I can spend it the same.
Another way is rebates. I just received 4 rebates - PAM cooking spray, Feline Pine cat litter, Arm and Hammer cat litter and Lysol wipes. I have a few more sitting on my counter to be submitted. In any case - I got every single one of those items for free, or the cost of a stamp rather. It's nice to get money in the mail box instead of just bills.
A few months ago, IAMS had a coupon for $3 off of any bag of cat or dog food. I like my cat and dog, but I REALLY don't want them to cost me money. The trial size bags of IAMS at Target happen to be $3 each. Between that deal, and a similar Purina One deal that was too good to pass up, I can feed my cat for approximately 18 months. I wish I could say the same for our dog, but we do buy his food at Sam's Club.
The paper towel deal was simple. Target made a coupon that said $1 off of ANY Up&Up paper towel (their brand). Not a good idea on their part! Their single rolls were only $0.98 each, and if you have the right cashier (meaning some teenager who really doesn't care), I made $0.02 cents each, which isn't a ton - but I got 75-100 rolls for free plus some overage for buying it. The older cashiers would price adjust the coupon to the $0.98, whatever. Not bad! I know we'll use them, so it's not a waste.
Look for holiday clearance. At Halloween, Wal Mart was clearing all their Halloween stuff out 2 days after the 31st. They had BOXES of Hefty plastic party cups - the ones that come 30 to a bag and cost around $3. I took a shot by asking the manager if they were clearing those out, too, since they were orange and black cups. She said absolutely and gave them to be for $0.30 a bag. I have two boxes in my basement now, ready for a party - and not even a Halloween one. Either color could be used for almost anything. I would have gotten more, but I felt bad for the kid who had to price adjust every single bag.
The last thing I really utilize is writing to companies. I give them feedback, good or bad, and in many cases, they send you coupons in return. This is GREAT, because honestly, the coupons the companies send you are pretty rare. Lots of free item coupons. I complained to Windex for a faulty bottle that leaked - they sent me (2) FREE vouchers for new bottles - but they had a value of $4.99 each, which means I got the massive refill sizes for free. But the same goes if you give positive feedback, I have gotten LOTS of coupons for free stuff by saying I loved it. It takes time, yes, but when I do this, I try to do 5 a day. It honestly takes 20 minutes or so, and my mail box gets flooded with free or cheap stuff. Stay away from Proctor and Gamble or Kraft - unless you have a complaint. They'll send you coupons if you hated something - but nothing if you liked it.
I also try to share with friends and family, and we donate pet food to the shelter. I believe I have been given the knowledge to do this for a reason. Not only to keep my family living comfortably, but to help others who aren't so fortunate. Do the Lord's work!
Look for blogs who lay out scenarios for you. They'll give you step by step instructions on what your transaction should look like, no guess work!
The key thing to remember (for me anyway) is that it's not about getting a large quantity in one container - these trial size bags of IAMS were only 14 ounces each. But, they were FREE! Get to the check out with spending as little money as possible! Sometimes, getting the trial sizes is a great deal simply because you put no money into it.
Happy shopping!!
In a previous post, (2 posts down..) I highlighted one shopping trip. The real idea is that it takes time to stock up on items for a "stock pile". I don't need to go all Extreme Couponing and buy 200 bottles of mustard, because that doesn't make sense for my family, so even if it's a good deal, it's a waste of money for us.
However, when Jonathon was in the military, he had to shave every other day. He and I both have sensitive skin, so we never bought cheap razors. Luckily, the expensive ones are usually the best deal. I can get them for about $1 a piece, rather than the $6-$8 they normally cost. This IS a good deal for us. Decide what your family needs, and look for deals on those items. Don't get caught up in a good deal, because if it's not something you'd normally use - it's a waste. The exception to this is, if it's free and can be donated to a battered women's shelter, humane society, needy family, etc.
I find most of my deals at Target. They have coupons on their website (http://coupons.target.com/#?lnk=nav_t_spc_13_inc_13_16) that you can stack with manufacturer coupons. This means awesome deals on most items. UTILIZE THIS! I recently got Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Dora's Memory Game, Don't Spill the Beans and a card game ABSOLUTELY FREE at Target because of a stacked coupon. Same with Play Doh. I have at least 100 containers of the stuff - some of them the cute tiny tubs. These will make great party favors. I also bought about 50 bottles of Flinstones and One A Day vitamins because instead of spending $6-$9 (depending on the bottle), I spent a whopping $0.30 each.
The razors for example usually have a $3 coupon in the P&G insert of the newspaper (once a month). Target runs gift card deals, where if you buy 2 razors you'll get a $5 Target gift card. Ok - so if you buy two razors at $6.50, you have (2) $3 coupons, and you get a $5 gift card back, you're only paying $1 each. That's when I buy 20 of them because this deal may not come around for another 6 months. I do count gift cards back as money, because I can spend it the same.
Another way is rebates. I just received 4 rebates - PAM cooking spray, Feline Pine cat litter, Arm and Hammer cat litter and Lysol wipes. I have a few more sitting on my counter to be submitted. In any case - I got every single one of those items for free, or the cost of a stamp rather. It's nice to get money in the mail box instead of just bills.
A few months ago, IAMS had a coupon for $3 off of any bag of cat or dog food. I like my cat and dog, but I REALLY don't want them to cost me money. The trial size bags of IAMS at Target happen to be $3 each. Between that deal, and a similar Purina One deal that was too good to pass up, I can feed my cat for approximately 18 months. I wish I could say the same for our dog, but we do buy his food at Sam's Club.
The paper towel deal was simple. Target made a coupon that said $1 off of ANY Up&Up paper towel (their brand). Not a good idea on their part! Their single rolls were only $0.98 each, and if you have the right cashier (meaning some teenager who really doesn't care), I made $0.02 cents each, which isn't a ton - but I got 75-100 rolls for free plus some overage for buying it. The older cashiers would price adjust the coupon to the $0.98, whatever. Not bad! I know we'll use them, so it's not a waste.
Look for holiday clearance. At Halloween, Wal Mart was clearing all their Halloween stuff out 2 days after the 31st. They had BOXES of Hefty plastic party cups - the ones that come 30 to a bag and cost around $3. I took a shot by asking the manager if they were clearing those out, too, since they were orange and black cups. She said absolutely and gave them to be for $0.30 a bag. I have two boxes in my basement now, ready for a party - and not even a Halloween one. Either color could be used for almost anything. I would have gotten more, but I felt bad for the kid who had to price adjust every single bag.
The last thing I really utilize is writing to companies. I give them feedback, good or bad, and in many cases, they send you coupons in return. This is GREAT, because honestly, the coupons the companies send you are pretty rare. Lots of free item coupons. I complained to Windex for a faulty bottle that leaked - they sent me (2) FREE vouchers for new bottles - but they had a value of $4.99 each, which means I got the massive refill sizes for free. But the same goes if you give positive feedback, I have gotten LOTS of coupons for free stuff by saying I loved it. It takes time, yes, but when I do this, I try to do 5 a day. It honestly takes 20 minutes or so, and my mail box gets flooded with free or cheap stuff. Stay away from Proctor and Gamble or Kraft - unless you have a complaint. They'll send you coupons if you hated something - but nothing if you liked it.
I also try to share with friends and family, and we donate pet food to the shelter. I believe I have been given the knowledge to do this for a reason. Not only to keep my family living comfortably, but to help others who aren't so fortunate. Do the Lord's work!
Look for blogs who lay out scenarios for you. They'll give you step by step instructions on what your transaction should look like, no guess work!
The key thing to remember (for me anyway) is that it's not about getting a large quantity in one container - these trial size bags of IAMS were only 14 ounces each. But, they were FREE! Get to the check out with spending as little money as possible! Sometimes, getting the trial sizes is a great deal simply because you put no money into it.
Happy shopping!!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
I'm here!
Hi, I'm Natalie and I'm a terrible blogger. I can't seem to keep up these days. Where have I been?? Well, life has changed A LOT!
Let's start at the top. Jonathon is now home from Korea and officially out of the military. Admittedly I really didn't want that to happen at first, but I really came around to the idea of being a civilian family. There's a significant difference in the pressure and stress we feel - a change for the better! I miss little things, like washing Jonathon's uniforms and shopping at the commissary. However, I also know that the military really turned into something different than it was the day Jonathon signed up. We always thought we'd be a career military family, but I really believe that God has his own timing.
I had Jonathon home for 2 solid weeks before my dad called from North Dakota saying he's short handed and really needs Jonathon. It's an opportunity we couldn't turn down and within days he was on a plane. For those of you who don't know, my dad is a land surveyor with over 30 years experience. He's worked in Alaska (every picture of him from those days makes him resemble a yeti with him covered in snow gear) and Saudi Arabia and tons of places in between. He's been working in the oil and gas industry since I was in high school - which brings us to North Dakota now. He's an office guy now, but needed extra field guys - and so with that, Jon was his #1 pick.
My dad is an amazing teacher, so it's perfect that Jon needed teaching. He's absolutely loving his new job and I'm loving hearing enthusiasm in his voice again. It's been a long time coming! Jonathon works 3 weeks on (in theory, sometimes more) and 1 week off. He's enjoying being outdoors all day, working in a relaxed environment and seeing all the pheasant that he'll hunt later this year.
In the mean time, Jackson and I moved a few weeks ago to a house in Windsor, Colorado. It took FOREVER (not kidding!) to find a suitable place. I might be a tad picky, but this was getting ridiculous. I looked at about 25 places, and by the time I'd look further into them, I'd find out they were already taken. Great. Finally after upping the budget (boo!) and expanding the location search, I found this home. It's spacious, has a nice yard and it's in a new subdivision. Having a new place surely has it's perks. Jackson is enjoying a jetted garden tub now. :)
All of the changes have just been such a blessing. Trusting God to just give me what I need has become easier with each passing year. I THANK Him for all that I have, and all I ever will have. Mostly for Jackson and for keeping him healthy, happy, secure and safe. It's amazing to me how much I can love one tiny little person. It's amazing to me that we haven't ever had to worry where his next meal is coming from or how we'll buy him new clothes. It's easy to take for granted that we've been so incredibly blessed, but I'm reminded that not everyone has that luxury and while we look for ways to give back (I've found a few charities that I really love recently) it's also important to pray for those families and thank the Lord that we have so much.
That last paragraph may be a bit disorganized, but it's just my heart spilling over with gratitude. During our 6 years together, Jon and I have experienced so many twists, turns, disappointments, obstacles and struggles - mostly from being a part for so long - but we've made it. No outside influences, or negativity, or even the thousands of miles that have separated us in the past have beaten us. We're here, still standing -stronger than ever - and that is something to be proud of.
Let's start at the top. Jonathon is now home from Korea and officially out of the military. Admittedly I really didn't want that to happen at first, but I really came around to the idea of being a civilian family. There's a significant difference in the pressure and stress we feel - a change for the better! I miss little things, like washing Jonathon's uniforms and shopping at the commissary. However, I also know that the military really turned into something different than it was the day Jonathon signed up. We always thought we'd be a career military family, but I really believe that God has his own timing.
I had Jonathon home for 2 solid weeks before my dad called from North Dakota saying he's short handed and really needs Jonathon. It's an opportunity we couldn't turn down and within days he was on a plane. For those of you who don't know, my dad is a land surveyor with over 30 years experience. He's worked in Alaska (every picture of him from those days makes him resemble a yeti with him covered in snow gear) and Saudi Arabia and tons of places in between. He's been working in the oil and gas industry since I was in high school - which brings us to North Dakota now. He's an office guy now, but needed extra field guys - and so with that, Jon was his #1 pick.
My dad is an amazing teacher, so it's perfect that Jon needed teaching. He's absolutely loving his new job and I'm loving hearing enthusiasm in his voice again. It's been a long time coming! Jonathon works 3 weeks on (in theory, sometimes more) and 1 week off. He's enjoying being outdoors all day, working in a relaxed environment and seeing all the pheasant that he'll hunt later this year.
In the mean time, Jackson and I moved a few weeks ago to a house in Windsor, Colorado. It took FOREVER (not kidding!) to find a suitable place. I might be a tad picky, but this was getting ridiculous. I looked at about 25 places, and by the time I'd look further into them, I'd find out they were already taken. Great. Finally after upping the budget (boo!) and expanding the location search, I found this home. It's spacious, has a nice yard and it's in a new subdivision. Having a new place surely has it's perks. Jackson is enjoying a jetted garden tub now. :)
All of the changes have just been such a blessing. Trusting God to just give me what I need has become easier with each passing year. I THANK Him for all that I have, and all I ever will have. Mostly for Jackson and for keeping him healthy, happy, secure and safe. It's amazing to me how much I can love one tiny little person. It's amazing to me that we haven't ever had to worry where his next meal is coming from or how we'll buy him new clothes. It's easy to take for granted that we've been so incredibly blessed, but I'm reminded that not everyone has that luxury and while we look for ways to give back (I've found a few charities that I really love recently) it's also important to pray for those families and thank the Lord that we have so much.
That last paragraph may be a bit disorganized, but it's just my heart spilling over with gratitude. During our 6 years together, Jon and I have experienced so many twists, turns, disappointments, obstacles and struggles - mostly from being a part for so long - but we've made it. No outside influences, or negativity, or even the thousands of miles that have separated us in the past have beaten us. We're here, still standing -stronger than ever - and that is something to be proud of.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
A little peak into my shopping...
When Jackson was born, I promised Jonathon that if I was able to stay home, then I'd save him money. After all, when we dated and had combined bills - I was working, too! We went from two incomes down to one and suddenly also had household bills that we didn't have when we were just dating.
When I moved to Maryland with Jon, it was the first time I had ever lived on my own. (College dorms don't count...) I had lots of IDEAS on how a house should be run, however actually putting them to use was harder than it looked. Holy heck groceries are expensive. And oh my gosh - do I really have to pay THAT much for laundry soap? Yes. I had a huge learning curve ahead of me. Since my parents have always paid for everything, I didn't really know the value of a dollar. I admit that. I wasn't an irresponsible spender, but I certainly never thought that my favorite shirts from Hollister could cost the same as some Tide and Charmin.
Enter in late nights with a baby, needing some quiet time and just wanting to save on some necessities. I found that after I laid Jackson down, I too needed down time. I found myself looking over deals and coupons and shopping scenarios. Jon used to make fun of me, but I needed the pure quiet to unwind and this was a good way to find it. I have always been brand picky. I don't buy generic (unless it's Target's brand, because I don't find it to be a generic. I am NOT a fan of Wal Mart, or anything made by them, but will go for certain items) and I like what I like. I didn't want the whole saving money concept to come between me and the brands I liked.
Jackson used Enfamil as a baby - and I was buying him the ready-to-feed liquid for $1 a can because of the deals I'd get. I NEVER want to pay for cat food or litter - and I don't. My cat strictly eats Iams or Purina One Beyond, and I will never pay more than $.50 a box/bag of food. Sometimes this means having a TON of one product, but as long as I had the space - I was saving money. I was able to fly home to Colorado every few months. Jon and I ate out a lot. 90% of J's closet is Gymboree. I can't give up my department store skin care or make up (thanks, sensitive skin). That was what I wanted my money to go to, not napkins and other boring items.
I've been asked before what I get when I go shopping. To give you an idea of what a shopping trip for me is like (and yes, I'm weird and get very excited about my loot) here's a picture and a break down. I made a trip to Target with my beautiful boy.
I purchased (6) Febreze Sport fabric refreshers ($4.99 each, one not pictured), (2) Vicks ($3.89 each), (1) Vicks inhaler ($3.89), (3) Advil PM ($4.74 each), (3) Centrum Pro Nutrients ($9.99 each), (5) Vicks Nature Fusion ($6.99 each, on sale), (1) Vicks vapo-pads ($5.24), (1) Rice Krispie treat ($.69) and a Mavis die cast train from Thomas the Train set for Jackson ($6.19, also not pictured) for a total of - $157.15.
After rebates, gift cards back and stackable coupons - out of pocket, I paid $30.18 (including the $6 train and $6.74 in tax!!) That's a savings of 80%. If I don't include the train, since I paid full price for that - and tax - then I saved 89% . This is how I shop. It may be a little crazy, or weird...but we never go without and it's a little hobby now.
When I moved to Maryland with Jon, it was the first time I had ever lived on my own. (College dorms don't count...) I had lots of IDEAS on how a house should be run, however actually putting them to use was harder than it looked. Holy heck groceries are expensive. And oh my gosh - do I really have to pay THAT much for laundry soap? Yes. I had a huge learning curve ahead of me. Since my parents have always paid for everything, I didn't really know the value of a dollar. I admit that. I wasn't an irresponsible spender, but I certainly never thought that my favorite shirts from Hollister could cost the same as some Tide and Charmin.
Enter in late nights with a baby, needing some quiet time and just wanting to save on some necessities. I found that after I laid Jackson down, I too needed down time. I found myself looking over deals and coupons and shopping scenarios. Jon used to make fun of me, but I needed the pure quiet to unwind and this was a good way to find it. I have always been brand picky. I don't buy generic (unless it's Target's brand, because I don't find it to be a generic. I am NOT a fan of Wal Mart, or anything made by them, but will go for certain items) and I like what I like. I didn't want the whole saving money concept to come between me and the brands I liked.
Jackson used Enfamil as a baby - and I was buying him the ready-to-feed liquid for $1 a can because of the deals I'd get. I NEVER want to pay for cat food or litter - and I don't. My cat strictly eats Iams or Purina One Beyond, and I will never pay more than $.50 a box/bag of food. Sometimes this means having a TON of one product, but as long as I had the space - I was saving money. I was able to fly home to Colorado every few months. Jon and I ate out a lot. 90% of J's closet is Gymboree. I can't give up my department store skin care or make up (thanks, sensitive skin). That was what I wanted my money to go to, not napkins and other boring items.
I've been asked before what I get when I go shopping. To give you an idea of what a shopping trip for me is like (and yes, I'm weird and get very excited about my loot) here's a picture and a break down. I made a trip to Target with my beautiful boy.
I purchased (6) Febreze Sport fabric refreshers ($4.99 each, one not pictured), (2) Vicks ($3.89 each), (1) Vicks inhaler ($3.89), (3) Advil PM ($4.74 each), (3) Centrum Pro Nutrients ($9.99 each), (5) Vicks Nature Fusion ($6.99 each, on sale), (1) Vicks vapo-pads ($5.24), (1) Rice Krispie treat ($.69) and a Mavis die cast train from Thomas the Train set for Jackson ($6.19, also not pictured) for a total of - $157.15.After rebates, gift cards back and stackable coupons - out of pocket, I paid $30.18 (including the $6 train and $6.74 in tax!!) That's a savings of 80%. If I don't include the train, since I paid full price for that - and tax - then I saved 89% . This is how I shop. It may be a little crazy, or weird...but we never go without and it's a little hobby now.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
February
February. Before I got married, it didn't mean a ton to me. In school, I'd make my Valentine's Day box and look forward to an afternoon school party. I knew that the day after was my parent's anniversary. Other than that, it was just a month.
When I was 16, it came to mean the month that my sister would pass away. The month that changed our family forever. More on that in another post...just for her.
Then it became to be my anniversary as well. I wanted to be an October bride. I wanted the fall colors and crisp air - not red and white with snow on the ground. Jonathon was in Iraq and we had thought he'd get leave earlier or later than February. He had wanted to get married on leave - which was crazy to me, because how do you plan a wedding without a date?! I had agreed though. He called me one day, telling me his leave was sooner than expected. I told him I'd have to think about it. I said I didn't know if I could get it together that soon (the arrangements AND my mind). He called me back later, and I told him I was still on board. Jonathon told me something I will never forget. "Oh good, I was so worried that you were going to say you wouldn't marry me and we should wait now." Silly boy...there was nothing I wanted more than to be yours forever.
We had a lot of factors going against us. A lot of negativity in general. We not only made it - but we were stronger because of it. Iraq was a hard time - in some ways, he and I will never be the same. And in others, I'm so glad we're not.
He and I are surely opposites. We can find a disagreement just about anywhere. We have different backgrounds, interests, favorites and dislikes - but one thing we always knew is that we couldn't be without the other. Being married to him has shown me who I am and who I want to be. He has taught me patience and love, and I in turn showed him trust how to look at the big picture - not just today.
I love that he plans hunting trips with my dad. I like that he and my mom can joke around. I love watching him play with our beautiful boy. Mostly, I love that at the end of the day, he's the last person I think about and pray for and the first email I read in the morning.
I'm not exactly sure what path that the Lord has provided for us yet. I'm not sure where we'll be next year - or next month for that matter. But I pray that the path is a peaceful one - where Jonathon and I walk it hand in hand.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Holy Heck - Where Did 2011 Go?!
I'm not exactly sure what happened to the year. Jonathon has been gone for most of it, and although I was really dreading 2011, it hasn't been as rough as it could have been.
Jackson went from being a baby to a big boy. He runs faster than I can, is saying new words everyday and is just an absolute blessing. His favorite shows are still "Barney", "Chuggington" and "Blue's Clues". He eats just about anything - but will NOT touch Ranch dressing; he's strictly a Thousand Island boy. Weird huh? My child loves salads, broccoli and fish. His favorite dish is pizza (a boy after my own heart!!) and he is a sucker for Friday night Root Beers.
We're still working on the pacifier issue. He only gets it at nap and night time now, but that doesn't stop him from asking for it. I made him a new "blankie" because a couple of them were getting a bit small. (They were crib size, you know)
Jonathon is due home in a few weeks. 2012 is full of unanswered questions for our family, but we leave it to God and hope that His will is also ours. Jonathon, I believe, has enjoyed Korea over all, but is more than ready to be home. It's hard to believe his year is almost up. I think we both are in shock over how fast it's gone.
Jackson is really excited about Christmas. My mom made sure to put her big Christmas village up - it's Jackson's job to turn it on at night. He loves watching me wrap gifts, and he gets to take them into the living room to put on the big stack of presents waiting to be placed under the tree. Jackson is going to have an amazing Christmas - as are all the kids this year. I can't wait to see their faces. I requested a Ninja prep, and I think I got it (ok, I know I did- I picked it up from Bed Bath and Beyond).
I hope to post Christmas pictures shortly after Christmas!!
Jackson went from being a baby to a big boy. He runs faster than I can, is saying new words everyday and is just an absolute blessing. His favorite shows are still "Barney", "Chuggington" and "Blue's Clues". He eats just about anything - but will NOT touch Ranch dressing; he's strictly a Thousand Island boy. Weird huh? My child loves salads, broccoli and fish. His favorite dish is pizza (a boy after my own heart!!) and he is a sucker for Friday night Root Beers.
We're still working on the pacifier issue. He only gets it at nap and night time now, but that doesn't stop him from asking for it. I made him a new "blankie" because a couple of them were getting a bit small. (They were crib size, you know)
Jonathon is due home in a few weeks. 2012 is full of unanswered questions for our family, but we leave it to God and hope that His will is also ours. Jonathon, I believe, has enjoyed Korea over all, but is more than ready to be home. It's hard to believe his year is almost up. I think we both are in shock over how fast it's gone.
Jackson is really excited about Christmas. My mom made sure to put her big Christmas village up - it's Jackson's job to turn it on at night. He loves watching me wrap gifts, and he gets to take them into the living room to put on the big stack of presents waiting to be placed under the tree. Jackson is going to have an amazing Christmas - as are all the kids this year. I can't wait to see their faces. I requested a Ninja prep, and I think I got it (ok, I know I did- I picked it up from Bed Bath and Beyond).
I hope to post Christmas pictures shortly after Christmas!!
Friday, November 18, 2011
It's not goodbye...
With such a heavy heart, I say "so long" to my Grandma.
In all fairness, she was 88 years old. She lived life to the fullest, and probably had more fun than most 20 year olds.
I used to joke that she sent me cards for holidays that I didn't even know existed. She never missed a birthday, Christmas or any special day in between. She'd write me a quick note in each card - usually telling me about the weather in Charlevoix or what a great time she was having in Florida.
When my family lived in Las Vegas, she'd spend her day playing Bingo while us kids were at school. She had gold shoes and full "Vegas" Clothes. She was gorgeous even in her golden years. I'd watch her put on her makeup, complete with cream blush. She'd bring me something special if my parents put her up in my room. I remember one time she game me a dolphin necklace with matching earings even though I hadn't pierced my ears yet. I couldn't wait to wear them.
Our summers in Charlevoix were a mix of sandwiches - and just sand. Her house is right on Lake Charlevoix, a place that will probably always bring me a sense of calm. I loved playing with my sisters and cousins on that beach and looked forward to each trip that we were able to take there.
Any memory I have of her is amazing. She was the grandmother any kid would be so lucky to have. We'd spend our evenings playing cards. If there was a card game, she knew it AND she'd have the patience to teach us kids. She'd always say "It's not over until it's over" when I would make note of the scores. My grandma would often times buy us a chocolate treat of some sort for our evening card game.
Her coffee table was covered in gossip rags. Any celebrity story, my grandma knew it. She was a sucker for QVC and reality shows. I don't know any grandma that is that cool.
I started calling her "Gma" long ago. She started signing her cards "Gma" complete with the quotations. Sometimes she'd cross out a cards sentiment and write in her own.
As I got older, I still found so much joy in calling her. In the last few years, I'd call her each week to chat. I'd sit in the parking lot of the kids' schools waiting for them to be dismissed from class and just listen to her stories. She was full of wisdom and kind words. She'd give advice but was equally as good at listening.
When I got pregnant with Jackson, I was 1700 miles from my family. I was going to be a 23 year old with a newborn, and while most would say that we were too young, or question timing, when I called her to tell her she sounded just plain excited. She told me what great parents will be and what a great blessing this was. She never once gave an ounce of doubt or gave any opinion that wasn't happiness. That's what every kid deserves - just plain love, a soft place to land when the world was just too cold that day, a warm heart to tell you that everything will be just the way God wanted it.
When she started having some problems, before I would get off the phone with her I'd always tell her that I'd pray for her. Her tone always changed, and she'd just say "thank you so much, honey". Even from so far away, the sound of gratitude was so obvious. And we did. Jackson and I prayed for her each night. I hope God tells her that we followed through.
We appreciated each others faith and enjoyed talking about God's plan and His love.
As I write down all of my scattered thoughts, I can still hear her voice. When I'd call, I'd say, "Hi Grandma, it's Natalie". Without fail, she'd always answer with, "Oh Natalie!". I know she's better now, with God, my Grandpa and my sister, but gosh I miss her so much already. It makes my heart ache to know that Jackson never met her. She loved him so much and always reminded me what a "Dusdal" he was. I wish he could have experienced her the way I did. I wish she could have stayed around longer to meet future children and see more of us get married. I wish we could have had one last card game.
Evelyn Dusdal
July 12, 1923 ~ Novemer 18, 2011
In all fairness, she was 88 years old. She lived life to the fullest, and probably had more fun than most 20 year olds.
I used to joke that she sent me cards for holidays that I didn't even know existed. She never missed a birthday, Christmas or any special day in between. She'd write me a quick note in each card - usually telling me about the weather in Charlevoix or what a great time she was having in Florida.
When my family lived in Las Vegas, she'd spend her day playing Bingo while us kids were at school. She had gold shoes and full "Vegas" Clothes. She was gorgeous even in her golden years. I'd watch her put on her makeup, complete with cream blush. She'd bring me something special if my parents put her up in my room. I remember one time she game me a dolphin necklace with matching earings even though I hadn't pierced my ears yet. I couldn't wait to wear them.
Our summers in Charlevoix were a mix of sandwiches - and just sand. Her house is right on Lake Charlevoix, a place that will probably always bring me a sense of calm. I loved playing with my sisters and cousins on that beach and looked forward to each trip that we were able to take there.
Any memory I have of her is amazing. She was the grandmother any kid would be so lucky to have. We'd spend our evenings playing cards. If there was a card game, she knew it AND she'd have the patience to teach us kids. She'd always say "It's not over until it's over" when I would make note of the scores. My grandma would often times buy us a chocolate treat of some sort for our evening card game.
Her coffee table was covered in gossip rags. Any celebrity story, my grandma knew it. She was a sucker for QVC and reality shows. I don't know any grandma that is that cool.
I started calling her "Gma" long ago. She started signing her cards "Gma" complete with the quotations. Sometimes she'd cross out a cards sentiment and write in her own.
As I got older, I still found so much joy in calling her. In the last few years, I'd call her each week to chat. I'd sit in the parking lot of the kids' schools waiting for them to be dismissed from class and just listen to her stories. She was full of wisdom and kind words. She'd give advice but was equally as good at listening.
When I got pregnant with Jackson, I was 1700 miles from my family. I was going to be a 23 year old with a newborn, and while most would say that we were too young, or question timing, when I called her to tell her she sounded just plain excited. She told me what great parents will be and what a great blessing this was. She never once gave an ounce of doubt or gave any opinion that wasn't happiness. That's what every kid deserves - just plain love, a soft place to land when the world was just too cold that day, a warm heart to tell you that everything will be just the way God wanted it.
When she started having some problems, before I would get off the phone with her I'd always tell her that I'd pray for her. Her tone always changed, and she'd just say "thank you so much, honey". Even from so far away, the sound of gratitude was so obvious. And we did. Jackson and I prayed for her each night. I hope God tells her that we followed through.
We appreciated each others faith and enjoyed talking about God's plan and His love.
As I write down all of my scattered thoughts, I can still hear her voice. When I'd call, I'd say, "Hi Grandma, it's Natalie". Without fail, she'd always answer with, "Oh Natalie!". I know she's better now, with God, my Grandpa and my sister, but gosh I miss her so much already. It makes my heart ache to know that Jackson never met her. She loved him so much and always reminded me what a "Dusdal" he was. I wish he could have experienced her the way I did. I wish she could have stayed around longer to meet future children and see more of us get married. I wish we could have had one last card game.
I can't say that I have many people who have truly impacted me in my life the way she has. I have a select few that really have left me a better person - and she's certainly on the top of that list. I could call her and complain, or tell her something exciting or just chat - whatever it was, she'd talk it through like she had all the time in the world. If I was happy, she shared in that happiness with me. If I was sad, she gave me reasons to be happy. She gave me a dad who is by far the best dad I could possibly ask for. The way she raised her kids gave me inspiration on how I want to raise mine. I could never repay her for those things. I love you Grandma.
Evelyn Dusdal
July 12, 1923 ~ Novemer 18, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
He's Gone
After 25 days of fun, laughter, love and just time together, Jonathon had to go back to Korea. Let's rewind before anymore tears creep up on me.
Las Vegas was great. I was able to meet up with Jonathon at the Las Vegas airport. I had coordinated our flights perfectly - - until United decided to make his plane late. Really late. I set up shop in the airport complete with my laptop and some headphones while I watched Netflix. Totally great way to pass boring waiting time. Our driver took us to our hotel, the Venetian (which we loved!) and we started his leave. We rode the gondola, ate amazing food and just spent time enjoying the fact that we were actually in the same country.
As much as Jonathon and Jackson Skype, I was still a little nervous to see if Jackson would take to Jon right away. I mean - he'd been gone 7 whole months! When Jon and I pulled up to my parents house to get him, he ran right to us. He insisted the whole family goes on a walk and he wanted his dad to carry him. The second he called him "Dada", I knew everything was totally ok.
We rented out a vacation rental in Windsor - and we loved it. Well, J and I will be there for a couple more weeks - but while Jonathon was here it was amazingly nice. We still saw my family each day, but we also had our own room. We spent a lot of days doing our own thing, then meeting up with my family for dinner. We LOVED the zoo. Jackson really couldn't get into too much trouble there and he loves to be outside. What a great win-win! We rode the train and the carousel, we fed the birds and watched the lions get fed. We loved it so much, we ended up taking Jackson again.
Jonathon, my dad and brother, Matthew, also went hunting. They met up with Range View Kennels and shot some birds down in Rush. Bob, RVK owner, brought 8 dogs or so, and our pup, Trigger. They had so much fun! Jon can't wait to come home to do more hunting.
We ate at just about every place that Jonathon missed. I think I gained 10 lbs, but that's ok...for now. Overall, we had a lot of fun. Jonathon loved being able to read with J and I at night, say prayers together and just being able to tuck Jackson in. I think Jonathon was shocked how big Jackson really was - and how much personality the kid got since he left.
Jackson's birthday party was a total success. It was SO laid back and nice to just be outside. The petting zoo was a huge hit with Emilie and baby Brian (who isn't such a baby anymore!). We had so many wonderful friends come out for the day and we are so thankful we have so many amazing people in our lives. Magical Memories by Michelle caught the whole event, so I was able to just have some fun.
Yesterday it really hit me that Jon had to go back to Korea. He could tell it was really weighing on my heart and was super sweet about just being understanding. Trying not to be totally depressing, my mom gave us a date day. Jonathon and I went out to eat (minus the high chair!) and were able to putz around town just the two of us. We ate one last family dinner with Jackson before taking him to my parent's house to spend the night. We had to get up at 4am to take Jon to the airport and figured Jackson would be better off with his Grammie.
This morning, we packed his stuff together. We were kind of quiet for some of the ride, just letting it sink in that this was it. He and I decided he'd be getting out of the USAF instead of reenlisting. I honestly thought I'd be more nervous about it - but instead, I just feel like my family will never have to be split up across the world anymore. It's so refreshing.
Jon asked me to come inside the airport with him, and how could I say no to more time. I walked him all the way to the security check point before saying our goodbyes. 4 more months. We've already done the hard part. 7 down, 4 to go. That won't be so bad. Especially with Christmas and moving!
Wow! This sure is long! Quick update on J: He calls his Papa almost everyday and he can cure any tantrum or hurt toe. He says SO many words - he adds new ones everyday. It's unreal! Just a month ago, he didn't have much interest in talking and now he won't stop! He's still the cutest little angel ever.
Las Vegas was great. I was able to meet up with Jonathon at the Las Vegas airport. I had coordinated our flights perfectly - - until United decided to make his plane late. Really late. I set up shop in the airport complete with my laptop and some headphones while I watched Netflix. Totally great way to pass boring waiting time. Our driver took us to our hotel, the Venetian (which we loved!) and we started his leave. We rode the gondola, ate amazing food and just spent time enjoying the fact that we were actually in the same country.
As much as Jonathon and Jackson Skype, I was still a little nervous to see if Jackson would take to Jon right away. I mean - he'd been gone 7 whole months! When Jon and I pulled up to my parents house to get him, he ran right to us. He insisted the whole family goes on a walk and he wanted his dad to carry him. The second he called him "Dada", I knew everything was totally ok.
We rented out a vacation rental in Windsor - and we loved it. Well, J and I will be there for a couple more weeks - but while Jonathon was here it was amazingly nice. We still saw my family each day, but we also had our own room. We spent a lot of days doing our own thing, then meeting up with my family for dinner. We LOVED the zoo. Jackson really couldn't get into too much trouble there and he loves to be outside. What a great win-win! We rode the train and the carousel, we fed the birds and watched the lions get fed. We loved it so much, we ended up taking Jackson again.
Jonathon, my dad and brother, Matthew, also went hunting. They met up with Range View Kennels and shot some birds down in Rush. Bob, RVK owner, brought 8 dogs or so, and our pup, Trigger. They had so much fun! Jon can't wait to come home to do more hunting.
We ate at just about every place that Jonathon missed. I think I gained 10 lbs, but that's ok...for now. Overall, we had a lot of fun. Jonathon loved being able to read with J and I at night, say prayers together and just being able to tuck Jackson in. I think Jonathon was shocked how big Jackson really was - and how much personality the kid got since he left.
Jackson's birthday party was a total success. It was SO laid back and nice to just be outside. The petting zoo was a huge hit with Emilie and baby Brian (who isn't such a baby anymore!). We had so many wonderful friends come out for the day and we are so thankful we have so many amazing people in our lives. Magical Memories by Michelle caught the whole event, so I was able to just have some fun.
Yesterday it really hit me that Jon had to go back to Korea. He could tell it was really weighing on my heart and was super sweet about just being understanding. Trying not to be totally depressing, my mom gave us a date day. Jonathon and I went out to eat (minus the high chair!) and were able to putz around town just the two of us. We ate one last family dinner with Jackson before taking him to my parent's house to spend the night. We had to get up at 4am to take Jon to the airport and figured Jackson would be better off with his Grammie.
This morning, we packed his stuff together. We were kind of quiet for some of the ride, just letting it sink in that this was it. He and I decided he'd be getting out of the USAF instead of reenlisting. I honestly thought I'd be more nervous about it - but instead, I just feel like my family will never have to be split up across the world anymore. It's so refreshing.
Jon asked me to come inside the airport with him, and how could I say no to more time. I walked him all the way to the security check point before saying our goodbyes. 4 more months. We've already done the hard part. 7 down, 4 to go. That won't be so bad. Especially with Christmas and moving!
Wow! This sure is long! Quick update on J: He calls his Papa almost everyday and he can cure any tantrum or hurt toe. He says SO many words - he adds new ones everyday. It's unreal! Just a month ago, he didn't have much interest in talking and now he won't stop! He's still the cutest little angel ever.
Monday, August 22, 2011
He's growing up..
I just can't believe my boy is almost 2. I've been looking forward to September all year, but only because I knew Jonathon was able to come home and visit us for that month. Now, time has completely passed me by and my baby is actually a little boy.
We all know Jackson has trouble sleeping. He seriously tosses and turns all night, but lately he's been getting out of bed and coming to find me anywhere from 2-7 times a night. The last few times, I've just picked him up and held him close with tears in my eyes because he's just so big. I hold him for a few minutes before laying him back in his bed. I know that soon, the days of him being asleep in my arms will be gone and I'll have nothing left but these memories. How cheesy right? It's just the truth.
He's talking so much and he's learning new words everyday. He asked for his daddy yesterday which really warmed my heart. He came in his room, where I was, and he said "Dadda" and I asked him if he wanted to talk to his daddy and he said yes - so I said "well, where is daddy?" and he brought me over to the computer. Unfortunately, it was the middle of the night in Korea, so I had to tell Jackson that we'll need to wait - but I'm so glad he looks forward to their talks. On the weekends, they usually spend about an hour talking and playing games with each other. J is acknowledging that Jonathon is coming home now, which is also great. I've been preparing him for a while that Daddy is coming home and we'll give him lots of hugs and kisses.
I drove by our temporary home in Windsor the other day. It's right next door to the Pelican Lakes Country Club, so there's water! I am very excited about being right on the Poudre Trail. It will work out so nicely to take Jackson on his walks.
Look out for new family pictures - - my amazing Aunt Michelle is coming out to do sessions for us. I'm SO thrilled because not only does she do the best work, but Jackson responded really well to her last time. She got some big smiles out of him! She's even going to do some of Jonathon and I alone - which hasn't been done in years.
Here's our baby riding his scooter for the first time...
We all know Jackson has trouble sleeping. He seriously tosses and turns all night, but lately he's been getting out of bed and coming to find me anywhere from 2-7 times a night. The last few times, I've just picked him up and held him close with tears in my eyes because he's just so big. I hold him for a few minutes before laying him back in his bed. I know that soon, the days of him being asleep in my arms will be gone and I'll have nothing left but these memories. How cheesy right? It's just the truth.
He's talking so much and he's learning new words everyday. He asked for his daddy yesterday which really warmed my heart. He came in his room, where I was, and he said "Dadda" and I asked him if he wanted to talk to his daddy and he said yes - so I said "well, where is daddy?" and he brought me over to the computer. Unfortunately, it was the middle of the night in Korea, so I had to tell Jackson that we'll need to wait - but I'm so glad he looks forward to their talks. On the weekends, they usually spend about an hour talking and playing games with each other. J is acknowledging that Jonathon is coming home now, which is also great. I've been preparing him for a while that Daddy is coming home and we'll give him lots of hugs and kisses.
I drove by our temporary home in Windsor the other day. It's right next door to the Pelican Lakes Country Club, so there's water! I am very excited about being right on the Poudre Trail. It will work out so nicely to take Jackson on his walks.
Look out for new family pictures - - my amazing Aunt Michelle is coming out to do sessions for us. I'm SO thrilled because not only does she do the best work, but Jackson responded really well to her last time. She got some big smiles out of him! She's even going to do some of Jonathon and I alone - which hasn't been done in years.
Here's our baby riding his scooter for the first time...
Monday, August 8, 2011
Is it bedtime yet?
I'll be the first to admit that I love my sleep. It's not just something I need to do to stay alive and functional, but it's a hobby. Probably my only hobby - especially since having a baby.
Jackson, for the most part, sleeps through the night. He gets up once or twice, but will go back to sleep once I re-tuck him in. I'll take that! The only issue I'm battling right now is that when he gets up, he takes his pillow, blankie and monkey with him. I have to actually remake his bed a lot of nights. Since breaking down and trying the last possible thing I could think of to get Jackson to sleep past 5:45am, the black out curtains have seemed to work for the most part. I'm officially buying a set for every bedroom in our home and making sure any future children we have start out with these things. I am pretty sure I've been sleep walking for 2 years. I wish I would have thought of this sooner!
We're officially in the 2o's when it comes to taking our little getaway. I can hear it in Jonathon's voice that he's beyond ready to take a break, and I know I'm ready. We sound so old when we talk about it. One thing we're actually really looking forward to is sleeping in. I told my mom that I'm sure my body will still wake up at 7am, but hopefully I can get back to sleep. We've planned a few activities so far, but I'm sure that most of the fun that will come out of this trip will just be doing anything we feel like doing at the time.
I'm thinking about taking a trip to San Antonio in the spring. Jonathon loved it there when he was there for training 2 years back and I really want to take Jackson to Sea World. My friends live closer to Dallas, but I'm hoping we could meet up! Sea World there also has Sesame Street Bay of Play - and Jackson is tall enough to ride those rides.
Jackson, for the most part, sleeps through the night. He gets up once or twice, but will go back to sleep once I re-tuck him in. I'll take that! The only issue I'm battling right now is that when he gets up, he takes his pillow, blankie and monkey with him. I have to actually remake his bed a lot of nights. Since breaking down and trying the last possible thing I could think of to get Jackson to sleep past 5:45am, the black out curtains have seemed to work for the most part. I'm officially buying a set for every bedroom in our home and making sure any future children we have start out with these things. I am pretty sure I've been sleep walking for 2 years. I wish I would have thought of this sooner!
We're officially in the 2o's when it comes to taking our little getaway. I can hear it in Jonathon's voice that he's beyond ready to take a break, and I know I'm ready. We sound so old when we talk about it. One thing we're actually really looking forward to is sleeping in. I told my mom that I'm sure my body will still wake up at 7am, but hopefully I can get back to sleep. We've planned a few activities so far, but I'm sure that most of the fun that will come out of this trip will just be doing anything we feel like doing at the time.
I'm thinking about taking a trip to San Antonio in the spring. Jonathon loved it there when he was there for training 2 years back and I really want to take Jackson to Sea World. My friends live closer to Dallas, but I'm hoping we could meet up! Sea World there also has Sesame Street Bay of Play - and Jackson is tall enough to ride those rides.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Another day down
Please note the 3D glasses on his head. These glasses are worn on his face when Barney sings "The Blues". And yes, J has the dance down as well.
Here we are again. Another post - which means 2 things. One, I found some time alone and two, more days have passed. They are equally exciting to me. My mom took Jackson to church. It's pretty amazing of her, because he won't stay in the nursery alone. He's been with me since the day he was born, and not used to being left with strangers. So, she will sit with him for the duration of the service. She's set a goal to get him to be comfortable enough to (hopefully!) stay there by himself someday soon.
I stayed with him a couple weeks back, and he cried....a lot! I think kids are just more emotional with their parents. So, thanks mom!
A few more days down until Jackson gets to see his Daddy. I've seen several homecomings on Facebook lately. How in the world did I end up meeting so many people in similar situations to me? In any case, I'm just ready for it to be our turn. We've already gone 161 days without Jonathon here. That's a lot! I'm absolutely counting down the days now. I booked his ticket the other day (holy heck!) and our tickets for Las Vegas.
Maybe one day, we'll actually have time to do a real honeymoon. Iraq and Korea has made that pretty impossible so far - but we will, and it will be amazing. Until then, we'll sneak in little getaways like this one. We're very excited to sleep in, and I know Jonathon is excited to see a place he's never been before. I haven't been there since my family lived there. My first field trip ever was to a casino show - no joke! It'll be so fun to see the things I didn't get to see as a kid.
Jackson has learned to fake cry (Thanks mom!). He won't stop until you say, "Oh my baby, let me hug you". Not even kidding. The worst part is, he REALLY gets loud with it when he hears another kid throwing a tantrum. It's semi embarrassing that my kid is mocking other kids - but it's also so funny. I'm convinced that's the hardest part about parenting - - telling your kid not to do something when it's actually pretty comical.
He also fake sleeps now (Thanks Mom). Mind you - this fake sleeping is complete with snoring.
He says the word "ball" with a total southern accent, making it probably my favorite word that he says.
On a really sad note (to me), our vacation rental for Jackson's party is a bust. I spent FOREVER finding a place that would work. The guy sent over a contract and something didn't sit right with me. I had just signed and returned the deposit for the condo in Water Valley and had no issues with it at all - and that was 2.5 times more money! So, I knew it wasn't the cost, or the location or the space. However, I just couldn't sign this contract and send him a check. I Google Mapped the address I was supposed to send the check to. It turned out to be a very crappy duplex and there was no way in my mind a person who could afford to keep a 6,000 sq ft home would live in that part of town. Not judgmental - just very fishy!
I called my dad and he told me to really trust my instincts. I emailed the guy back and asked to see the house in person and I'd sign and give him the contract then. Guess what? 2 emails and a few days later - no word from him.
I really wanted the house. I had my whole vision crushed. We'll do the party at my parent's house and I extended our stay at the condo so we'll have it the afternoon Jonathon and I get back from Vegas. It's sucky, and I'm so irritated - but I'm glad I didn't lose out on the large amount of money AND have to do some last minute party planning.
I just ordered Jackson's invites. I got the PDF file and my wonderful Aunt Michelle took the file and ordered my copies through her lab. I'm very excited about them. What will my life be when I don't have a party to plan? Oh right, I'll be getting ready to move!
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