Happy Halloween!

Leaving in 3 days...NOT.

We've had a pretty mellow week, thank goodness! Jackson seems to have gotten over a lot of his tummy problems - I don't know how or why, but I won't question it too much. He is eating pretty much faithfully every three hours. Some nights I can get more done than others. He's had a couple nights where he just wants me to hold him, and I do because at his age I don't think you can spoil them too much.

I'm dreading his next doctor appointment...he needs shots...a lot of shots. I'm going to schedule his appointment for after Jonathon's hunting trip so that he can go with me.

Our biggest upset of the week happened on Friday. Jonathon woke up to a couple of calls from his flight chief. When Jonathon called him back, his flight chief was already at our house. Sounds serious. He ended up telling Jonathon that he is leaving for Iraq on Monday - as in 3 days from then. After lots of tears and energy draining emotion, Jonathon went to go out process when he was told he would not be leaving Monday. They explained the reasoning, and now we just have to wait until next week to find out if/when he's going. All of that drama for something the most likely won't happen! After a call to Shawna and Mindy, all I wanted to do was sleep...but Jackson had other plans. :)

Jonathon and I have agreed that we won't put our kids in day care until they are old enough to tell us what's going on there. After working in one, I can't imagine sending my kid there. So even though I'm house bound, Jackson and I are really enjoying having each other. If Jonathon does end up deploying, I'm considering getting a part time job to have something to do and leave Jackson with my mom. We'll see though, I haven't really wanted to give him up for any long period of time.

Jackson is still growing like a weed! Not only do the newborn clothes not fit, the 0-3 month clothes don't really fit either. He's just about in 3 months - the 3-6 are still too big. I can only find a few brands that carry just a 3 month size, but he's just tall so it's what he needs. Jonathon and I are really learning a lot about what works and what doesn't (ex we don't like Huggies, but we love Pampers and Luvs).

As for moving - this house has never really felt like "home" to us. We've had a hard time wanting to do much with it or even just settle in. Maybe it's because I moved in by myself...whatever the reason we're looking forward to something new. If we move to Denver, we'll get the most money which means we could buy a house and really settle down. Arizona would also give us enough - but after 3, now possibly 4, deployments to a desert, I think Jonathon may want distinct seasons. We'll see where he's needed though and hopefully it will be somewhere good. I suppose I'm not really bias to any base yet.

Here are some pictures. You'll notice Jackson is so wrapped up you can hardly see him. If we don't wrap him up, he doesn't really stay asleep if we're not holding him...so he gets his big fuzzy blankets to nap with!

Photo sharing

I'll try to keep this post shorter - whether or not I succeed or not will be another story. ;)

Jackson is just growing like a weed. I remember my mom saying that about me, but I now know how true this statement can be. He officially is out of "newborn" clothes and diapers. It was actually just in time as we only had about 3 or 4 newborn diapers left when we decided that they were just too small.

We're also officially done with week two of being home by myself. I'm learning all the ins and outs of getting things done one handed. I am still currently learning that it might be (gasp!) ok to leave him in his swing while fussing if I have to be right outside our bedroom doing laundry. Still in the early stages of catching onto that one though.

We've discovered Jackson doesn't really love baths...he prefers showers. We put his towel in the dryer while he's in there so when he's done there isn't a huge temperature shock. He loves his warm towel. However, this also goes for his dad who reminds me to warm his as well. Spoiled boys. ;)

Jonathon leaves for his hunting trip in just a few weeks, and I'm starting to feel my hesitation. The mechanics of taking care of Jackson aren't hard - it's the 5 days straight with no sleep I'm worried about. I'm still trying to get my mom to come hang out - 5 days alone would be pretty lonely but I'll live with it if she's busy with her own kiddos.

As for the pictures... My Aunt Michelle was amazing enough to meet us in Colorado to do his newborn photos. He was a stinker a lot of the time and would sleep when we needed him awake, and be extremely alert when we needed him to sleep. She managed to get some adorable shots of him though and I never get tired of looking at them! I'm having such a hard time deciding which ones to frame because I love them all. I'm sure our house will have an overload of pictures of our boy. She also made me a collage (she's too good to me!) which we'll frame and put in his room. Enjoy!

Is it Monday yet?

Jackson and I are wrapping up our first week alone! The beginning of the week was pretty rough. In a four day period, I had about ten hours of sleep. Yes, I did feel like a zombie, and yes, I probably looked like one too. He did sleep really well one night, but at that point, I had been up for so long that I couldn't fall asleep with him. It was a bad situation, but we handled it really well and got through it.

On Jonathon's days off, I ended up taking Jackson for a two hour car ride around Maryland in the middle of the night. He fell asleep within the first half hour, but I knew the second I took him out of the car he'd wake up - and the little guy just needed some rest. So, we just drove - and on a side note, driving here isn't all that bad when there's no traffic.

For the most part, Jackson doesn't cry when he's awake. He just wants to look around, and he gets bored if I don't change rooms often enough. I forget he's only a month old - he is so active and incredibly strong. I was reading online about milestones babies hit, and they said at his age he may start to hold his head up briefly. I laughed because Jackson was doing that the day he was born. Now, he holds his head completely on his own and has for a while. Most parents think their child is advanced, but the doctor was even impressed with how strong his muscles are.

By this weekend, he would only fall asleep for 20 minutes at a time and wake up screaming. He seemed like he was in a lot of pain, and I would cry too since I didn't know how to help him. I just held him for hours. I ended up calling my mom, who was on vacation in Phoenix (Sorry Aunt Michelle) - I needed answers. Between my mom and Aunt Michelle, they told me to get gripe water. After a couple stores, I found it. It seems to help his tummy a lot, and helps him sleep because he isn't in pain. At his next appointment, I'm going to ask about reflux since he's spitting up as well. But, for now, we're doing pretty darn good. Jackson and I are a pretty good team.

I know they say babies don't smile in reaction to anything yet - but I swear Jackson smiled about 15 times this morning when Jonathon was playing with him. It was the funniest thing. Jon and I just sat and laughed. He looks a lot bigger in pictures, which I still haven't quite figured out because he's a small guy still - but here are a couple pictures.

Missing Tracie

It's times like these, when I'm sitting at my house alone, that I remember my oldest sister, Tracie, is gone. I suppose I don't talk about her very often, probably because I'm too scared of admitting I miss her so much, possibly because I don't want to cry anymore - or maybe it's because if I don't acknowledge it, then it won't seem quite so real that I won't hear her voice or see her face again.

About a year before Tracie died, I asked my mom what would she do if one of her kids died. She looked at me and very simply said, "I would just die with them". But she didn't die with Tracie, none of us did. Just as it is sad that Tracie's life ended, what's an equal tragedy is that our lives will never be the same...we have to live without her.

She had promised me she would make it to my high school graduation. However, she died 15 months before it. I walked across the stage and received my diploma without her in the stands. I walked down the aisle at my wedding without her in the front row, and I gave birth to my son knowing she'd never hold him. Those are big events, but it's the little family gatherings and holidays that bring the most sadness when I think about them.

Last Christmas, we sat in Colorado and watched all of the old home movies we had taken through out the years. We all had tears in our eyes as we heard Tracie's laugh, and watched her open her gifts each Christmas morning. This will be our 6th Christmas without her.

When Jackson was born, my mom kept saying how much he reminded her of Tracie. They both had perfect, beautiful complexions when they were born. My mom always said, even while Tracie was still here, that she was the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen. She told me Jackson is so similar to her it was uncanny. I'd like to think Jackson and Tracie have already met. I'd like to think she did get to hold him while he was still with God. I'd like to think she can see us, and she'll be able to watch him grow. I know she'd love him to pieces.

To Colorado and back

We're home! We had a fabulous time in Colorado. I was shocked Jonathon got leave, and everything just fell right into place. Our doctor said it was perfectly fine to travel, so off we went!

Jackson did amazing on our flights. The first plane to Atlanta worked out really nicely because the flight attendants let us take our car seat with us, so we didn't have to hold him the entire flight. The Atlanta crew also let us on the way home. Jackson pretty much slept through the actual travel on the way to Colorado, and was wide awake for the Dusdal's to spoil him with attention. Aunt Jennifer bought him a very cute outfit and adorable onesies. Thanks Aunt Jen!

We also got to see the Denver crew. My Aunt Laurie had us all over to introduce the first baby in our family in about 10 years. She even made my favorite - - tacos! Nothing says welcome home like yummy Mexican food. Jackson was a bit fussy by the end of the night - luckily there were hands willing to help.

My mom was wonderful while we were there. We got a bit of a false sense of reality since we got to take naps while we were there since she would take Jackson. We obviously manage without them, but they sure were nice! Plus, my dad's cooking made the trip that much better. He and Jonathon can talk about cooking forever now. I always told Jonathon his idea of an omlet isn't correct, since my dad is such an amazing cook I grew up with these beautiful omlets. Jon got my dad to show him how to make one, and now that he knows how, he's pretty proud of his omlet creations. They got to do a lot of "man" stuff during this trip. They got some drinks a few times, went shopping where Jonathon got new hunting boots for his hunting trip in November. They also have tenative plans to go elk hunting next year in Colorado. My dad may even meet up with Jonathon and his buddies in Michigan this year to shoot some deer.

Jackson is sleeping in large chunks at night. I'm so glad for that now that Jonathon is going back to work on the 5th. I got so spoiled having him around for 3 weeks! Truth be told, I think he'll have a harder time going back to work. We've had so much fun, and he just loves hanging out with Jackson. My own dad aside, I don't think I've seen a dad as loving, caring, and as involved as Jonathon. I catch him a lot of times just staring at our boy, and Jonathon just smiles. He is an amazing dad.

Now that we're home, we've decided (if we hadn't already before...) that we are just too far away from family. We certainly don't want to live 1700 miles away forever. Jonathon is going to put in for a transfer this coming week. We're hoping for the midwest. He gets to choose 5 bases for his dream sheet. Among those are, I believe, Arizona, 3 bases in CO, South Dakota and another one I can't seem to remember. I know I said 5 - but maybe he switched Arizona and Nebraska around. We just need to be closer to family and friends. We feel so out of the loop and detached sometimes.

Here are a few pictures. Have a happy week!!