It's not goodbye...

With such a heavy heart, I say "so long" to my Grandma.

In all fairness, she was 88 years old. She lived life to the fullest, and probably had more fun than most 20 year olds.

I used to joke that she sent me cards for holidays that I didn't even know existed. She never missed a birthday, Christmas or any special day in between. She'd write me a quick note in each card - usually telling me about the weather in Charlevoix or what a great time she was having in Florida.

When my family lived in Las Vegas, she'd spend her day playing Bingo while us kids were at school. She had gold shoes and full "Vegas" Clothes. She was gorgeous even in her golden years. I'd watch her put on her makeup, complete with cream blush. She'd bring me something special if my parents put her up in my room. I remember one time she game me a dolphin necklace with matching earings even though I hadn't pierced my ears yet. I couldn't wait to wear them.

Our summers in Charlevoix were a mix of sandwiches - and just sand. Her house is right on Lake Charlevoix, a place that will probably always bring me a sense of calm. I loved playing with my sisters and cousins on that beach and looked forward to each trip that we were able to take there.

Any memory I have of her is amazing. She was the grandmother any kid would be so lucky to have. We'd spend our evenings playing cards. If there was a card game, she knew it AND she'd have the patience to teach us kids. She'd always say "It's not over until it's over" when I would make note of the scores. My grandma would often times buy us a chocolate treat of some sort for our evening card game.

Her coffee table was covered in gossip rags. Any celebrity story, my grandma knew it. She was a sucker for QVC and reality shows. I don't know any grandma that is that cool.

I started calling her "Gma" long ago. She started signing her cards "Gma" complete with the quotations. Sometimes she'd cross out a cards sentiment and write in her own.

As I got older, I still found so much joy in calling her. In the last few years, I'd call her each week to chat. I'd sit in the parking lot of the kids' schools waiting for them to be dismissed from class and just listen to her stories. She was full of wisdom and kind words. She'd give advice but was equally as good at listening.

When I got pregnant with Jackson, I was 1700 miles from my family. I was going to be a 23 year old with a newborn, and while most would say that we were too young, or question timing, when I called her to tell her she sounded just plain excited. She told me what great parents will be and what a great blessing this was. She never once gave an ounce of doubt or gave any opinion that wasn't happiness. That's what every kid deserves - just plain love, a soft place to land when the world was just too cold that day, a warm heart to tell you that everything will be just the way God wanted it.

When she started having some problems, before I would get off the phone with her I'd always tell her that I'd pray for her. Her tone always changed, and she'd just say "thank you so much, honey". Even from so far away, the sound of gratitude was so obvious. And we did. Jackson and I prayed for her each night. I hope God tells her that we followed through.
We appreciated each others faith and enjoyed talking about God's plan and His love.

As I write down all of my scattered thoughts, I can still hear her voice. When I'd call, I'd say, "Hi Grandma, it's Natalie". Without fail, she'd always answer with, "Oh Natalie!". I know she's better now, with God, my Grandpa and my sister, but gosh I miss her so much already. It makes my heart ache to know that Jackson never met her. She loved him so much and always reminded me what a "Dusdal" he was. I wish he could have experienced her the way I did. I wish she could have stayed around longer to meet future children and see more of us get married. I wish we could have had one last card game.

I can't say that I have many people who have truly impacted me in my life the way she has. I have a select few that really have left me a better person - and she's certainly on the top of that list. I could call her and complain, or tell her something exciting or just chat - whatever it was, she'd talk it through like she had all the time in the world. If I was happy, she shared in that happiness with me. If I was sad, she gave me reasons to be happy. She gave me a dad who is by far the best dad I could possibly ask for. The way she raised her kids gave me inspiration on how I want to raise mine. I could never repay her for those things. I love you Grandma.

Evelyn Dusdal
July 12, 1923 ~ Novemer 18, 2011

He's Gone

After 25 days of fun, laughter, love and just time together, Jonathon had to go back to Korea. Let's rewind before anymore tears creep up on me.

Las Vegas was great. I was able to meet up with Jonathon at the Las Vegas airport. I had coordinated our flights perfectly - - until United decided to make his plane late. Really late. I set up shop in the airport complete with my laptop and some headphones while I watched Netflix. Totally great way to pass boring waiting time. Our driver took us to our hotel, the Venetian (which we loved!) and we started his leave. We rode the gondola, ate amazing food and just spent time enjoying the fact that we were actually in the same country.

As much as Jonathon and Jackson Skype, I was still a little nervous to see if Jackson would take to Jon right away. I mean - he'd been gone 7 whole months! When Jon and I pulled up to my parents house to get him, he ran right to us. He insisted the whole family goes on a walk and he wanted his dad to carry him. The second he called him "Dada", I knew everything was totally ok.

We rented out a vacation rental in Windsor - and we loved it. Well, J and I will be there for a couple more weeks - but while Jonathon was here it was amazingly nice. We still saw my family each day, but we also had our own room. We spent a lot of days doing our own thing, then meeting up with my family for dinner. We LOVED the zoo. Jackson really couldn't get into too much trouble there and he loves to be outside. What a great win-win! We rode the train and the carousel, we fed the birds and watched the lions get fed. We loved it so much, we ended up taking Jackson again.

Jonathon, my dad and brother, Matthew, also went hunting. They met up with Range View Kennels and shot some birds down in Rush. Bob, RVK owner, brought 8 dogs or so, and our pup, Trigger. They had so much fun! Jon can't wait to come home to do more hunting.

We ate at just about every place that Jonathon missed. I think I gained 10 lbs, but that's ok...for now. Overall, we had a lot of fun. Jonathon loved being able to read with J and I at night, say prayers together and just being able to tuck Jackson in. I think Jonathon was shocked how big Jackson really was - and how much personality the kid got since he left.

Jackson's birthday party was a total success. It was SO laid back and nice to just be outside. The petting zoo was a huge hit with Emilie and baby Brian (who isn't such a baby anymore!). We had so many wonderful friends come out for the day and we are so thankful we have so many amazing people in our lives. Magical Memories by Michelle caught the whole event, so I was able to just have some fun.

Yesterday it really hit me that Jon had to go back to Korea. He could tell it was really weighing on my heart and was super sweet about just being understanding. Trying not to be totally depressing, my mom gave us a date day. Jonathon and I went out to eat (minus the high chair!) and were able to putz around town just the two of us. We ate one last family dinner with Jackson before taking him to my parent's house to spend the night. We had to get up at 4am to take Jon to the airport and figured Jackson would be better off with his Grammie.

This morning, we packed his stuff together. We were kind of quiet for some of the ride, just letting it sink in that this was it. He and I decided he'd be getting out of the USAF instead of reenlisting. I honestly thought I'd be more nervous about it - but instead, I just feel like my family will never have to be split up across the world anymore. It's so refreshing.

Jon asked me to come inside the airport with him, and how could I say no to more time. I walked him all the way to the security check point before saying our goodbyes. 4 more months. We've already done the hard part. 7 down, 4 to go. That won't be so bad. Especially with Christmas and moving!

Wow! This sure is long! Quick update on J: He calls his Papa almost everyday and he can cure any tantrum or hurt toe. He says SO many words - he adds new ones everyday. It's unreal! Just a month ago, he didn't have much interest in talking and now he won't stop! He's still the cutest little angel ever.

Pictures

He's growing up..

I just can't believe my boy is almost 2. I've been looking forward to September all year, but only because I knew Jonathon was able to come home and visit us for that month. Now, time has completely passed me by and my baby is actually a little boy.

We all know Jackson has trouble sleeping. He seriously tosses and turns all night, but lately he's been getting out of bed and coming to find me anywhere from 2-7 times a night. The last few times, I've just picked him up and held him close with tears in my eyes because he's just so big. I hold him for a few minutes before laying him back in his bed. I know that soon, the days of him being asleep in my arms will be gone and I'll have nothing left but these memories. How cheesy right? It's just the truth.

He's talking so much and he's learning new words everyday. He asked for his daddy yesterday which really warmed my heart. He came in his room, where I was, and he said "Dadda" and I asked him if he wanted to talk to his daddy and he said yes - so I said "well, where is daddy?" and he brought me over to the computer. Unfortunately, it was the middle of the night in Korea, so I had to tell Jackson that we'll need to wait - but I'm so glad he looks forward to their talks. On the weekends, they usually spend about an hour talking and playing games with each other. J is acknowledging that Jonathon is coming home now, which is also great. I've been preparing him for a while that Daddy is coming home and we'll give him lots of hugs and kisses.

I drove by our temporary home in Windsor the other day. It's right next door to the Pelican Lakes Country Club, so there's water! I am very excited about being right on the Poudre Trail. It will work out so nicely to take Jackson on his walks.

Look out for new family pictures - - my amazing Aunt Michelle is coming out to do sessions for us. I'm SO thrilled because not only does she do the best work, but Jackson responded really well to her last time. She got some big smiles out of him! She's even going to do some of Jonathon and I alone - which hasn't been done in years.

Here's our baby riding his scooter for the first time...

Is it bedtime yet?

I'll be the first to admit that I love my sleep. It's not just something I need to do to stay alive and functional, but it's a hobby. Probably my only hobby - especially since having a baby.

Jackson, for the most part, sleeps through the night. He gets up once or twice, but will go back to sleep once I re-tuck him in. I'll take that! The only issue I'm battling right now is that when he gets up, he takes his pillow, blankie and monkey with him. I have to actually remake his bed a lot of nights. Since breaking down and trying the last possible thing I could think of to get Jackson to sleep past 5:45am, the black out curtains have seemed to work for the most part. I'm officially buying a set for every bedroom in our home and making sure any future children we have start out with these things. I am pretty sure I've been sleep walking for 2 years. I wish I would have thought of this sooner!

We're officially in the 2o's when it comes to taking our little getaway. I can hear it in Jonathon's voice that he's beyond ready to take a break, and I know I'm ready. We sound so old when we talk about it. One thing we're actually really looking forward to is sleeping in. I told my mom that I'm sure my body will still wake up at 7am, but hopefully I can get back to sleep. We've planned a few activities so far, but I'm sure that most of the fun that will come out of this trip will just be doing anything we feel like doing at the time.

I'm thinking about taking a trip to San Antonio in the spring. Jonathon loved it there when he was there for training 2 years back and I really want to take Jackson to Sea World. My friends live closer to Dallas, but I'm hoping we could meet up! Sea World there also has Sesame Street Bay of Play - and Jackson is tall enough to ride those rides.

Another day down

Please note the 3D glasses on his head. These glasses are worn on his face when Barney sings "The Blues". And yes, J has the dance down as well.


Here we are again. Another post - which means 2 things. One, I found some time alone and two, more days have passed. They are equally exciting to me. My mom took Jackson to church. It's pretty amazing of her, because he won't stay in the nursery alone. He's been with me since the day he was born, and not used to being left with strangers. So, she will sit with him for the duration of the service. She's set a goal to get him to be comfortable enough to (hopefully!) stay there by himself someday soon.

I stayed with him a couple weeks back, and he cried....a lot! I think kids are just more emotional with their parents. So, thanks mom!

A few more days down until Jackson gets to see his Daddy. I've seen several homecomings on Facebook lately. How in the world did I end up meeting so many people in similar situations to me? In any case, I'm just ready for it to be our turn. We've already gone 161 days without Jonathon here. That's a lot! I'm absolutely counting down the days now. I booked his ticket the other day (holy heck!) and our tickets for Las Vegas.

Maybe one day, we'll actually have time to do a real honeymoon. Iraq and Korea has made that pretty impossible so far - but we will, and it will be amazing. Until then, we'll sneak in little getaways like this one. We're very excited to sleep in, and I know Jonathon is excited to see a place he's never been before. I haven't been there since my family lived there. My first field trip ever was to a casino show - no joke! It'll be so fun to see the things I didn't get to see as a kid.

Jackson has learned to fake cry (Thanks mom!). He won't stop until you say, "Oh my baby, let me hug you". Not even kidding. The worst part is, he REALLY gets loud with it when he hears another kid throwing a tantrum. It's semi embarrassing that my kid is mocking other kids - but it's also so funny. I'm convinced that's the hardest part about parenting - - telling your kid not to do something when it's actually pretty comical.

He also fake sleeps now (Thanks Mom). Mind you - this fake sleeping is complete with snoring.

He says the word "ball" with a total southern accent, making it probably my favorite word that he says.

On a really sad note (to me), our vacation rental for Jackson's party is a bust. I spent FOREVER finding a place that would work. The guy sent over a contract and something didn't sit right with me. I had just signed and returned the deposit for the condo in Water Valley and had no issues with it at all - and that was 2.5 times more money! So, I knew it wasn't the cost, or the location or the space. However, I just couldn't sign this contract and send him a check. I Google Mapped the address I was supposed to send the check to. It turned out to be a very crappy duplex and there was no way in my mind a person who could afford to keep a 6,000 sq ft home would live in that part of town. Not judgmental - just very fishy!

I called my dad and he told me to really trust my instincts. I emailed the guy back and asked to see the house in person and I'd sign and give him the contract then. Guess what? 2 emails and a few days later - no word from him.

I really wanted the house. I had my whole vision crushed. We'll do the party at my parent's house and I extended our stay at the condo so we'll have it the afternoon Jonathon and I get back from Vegas. It's sucky, and I'm so irritated - but I'm glad I didn't lose out on the large amount of money AND have to do some last minute party planning.

I just ordered Jackson's invites. I got the PDF file and my wonderful Aunt Michelle took the file and ordered my copies through her lab. I'm very excited about them. What will my life be when I don't have a party to plan? Oh right, I'll be getting ready to move!

I'm still around...

Where have I been?! Probably wishing I was sleeping, or tagging along on my mom's "to-do" list because Jackson insists on going everywhere she does.

I can't say a lot has changed. Actually, it probably has. Jackson is just growing like a weed. He's just the brightest and most intelligent boy I've ever met. For real, not just because he's mine. :) My mom describes him as "scary smart". I swear there are things that he does that we just look at each other and say, "how did he know to do it that way?!".

Like bowling. My mom and I took the kids bowling. I was so excited to help Jackson bowl, but he had other plans. Emilie and I were up at the snack bar, (getting a warm, gross soda as it turned out) and I ended up giving Em the money and rushing down because I didn't want to miss his first bowling experience. Well, we ALL missed it. My mom looked down to put the names in the computer, and my clever son (who's never seen a bowling ball in his life) already had his ball down his lane AND he actually knocked pins down. (Better than his mama!)

He also gets VERY upset when we tell him that he cannot drive. Yes, 80% of the time we go somewhere, we have to explain to him why he has to sit in his car seat and why he just can't drive yet. He's also refusing to sleep in his bed, sit in his booster seat (he prefers Papa's chair at the table), and he frequently asks for a knife to cut his food. Do I have a 21 month old or a 13 year old?! I feel like the arguments are going to be the same.

Jackson's favorite word seems to be "Papa". My dad is only home for about 9 days a month, so J absolutely cherishes that time. When my dad left this last time, he took my mom over to the coffee pot and called it "Papa's". My mom and I are working on getting him to say our names, but he doesn't. Well, he's never really said "Momma". He calls me mom and it's usually when he's very upset.

Jackson is sick right now, but thankfully it seems to be far less severe than the last illness. My healthy kid never got sick until he was 15 months old, and I think this is his 3rd illness since then. He was refusing to let me wipe his nose (which just turned into a big, snotty fight), so I got clever and got the Puff's with Vicks. Turns out, if you let the kid smell the tissues before using one, he'll lay down on his own and actually give you an appropriate time to clean him up. Who woulda thought?! Jackson is just a creature of habit and he has little tricks about him that make life a whole lot easier once you know them.

What else is new? Jackson now folds his hands during prayers. He ASKS to say prayers a few times a day now. It's also a requirement for every person who's in the room at that time to also fold their hands, otherwise he'll (no joke!) interrupt the prayer and physically move your hands for you. Cutest thing I've seen in a while.

Jonathon and I firmed up leave days FINALLY. You'd think they never wanted him to get out of there. After all is said and done, and a million dollars later, it's going to be an amazing month for our little family. I'm so excited to get the ball rolling on all of our plans. I think we all need a little break and thanks to my mom, Jonathon and I can take a few days and just relax on our own. I know I'm already dreading leaving my little guy - but I'll be a better mommy for coming back rejuvenated and ready to have some fun with J. I must have told my mom a hundred times in the last 6 weeks or so how bad I just want to sleep and do nothing.

So if anyone is interested, Jackson's birthday is TENTATIVELY scheduled for September 10th, 2011. It will stay that way unless something serious happens with Jonathon's leave. I'm only planning this far in advance because we have SO many people's schedules to consider, and Jonathon has to fit a lot in that first week he's here. I promise I'm not THAT crazy - - but yeah, kinda sucks having to figure out so much stuff this far in advance. But pencil us in! :)