1. "Aren't you afraid he'll be killed?"
This ranks number one on the "duh" list. We're terrified - every single second of every single day. The thought always lingers in the back of our mind, but thanks genius, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe now you can go ask a cancer patient if they're scared of dying.
2. "I don't know how you manage, I don't think I could do it."
This is intended to be a compliment. However, like you, we never sat around fantasizing about the day we would become single mom's, sleep alone every night, carry the cell phone to the bathroom with us in hopes we won't miss his call and try to figure out how not to get the phone wet as we shower. We are not made of anything supernatural, we just got asked to rise to an extremely difficult challenge - and we did.
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
This has to be the most annoying for wives that sent their husbands to Afghanistan, Kuwait, Korea, etc. What is it that people think is going on in Afghanistan? A international game of golf? Guys (and gals..) are fighting all over the world, and some are dying.
4. "Will he get to come home for your birthday/anniversary/Easter/Christmas, etc"
No. He doesn't get holidays off. The most we can ask for is a phone call that day.
5. "What will you do to keep yourself busy while he's gone"
Short answer - try to hang on to my sanity. Most fill their time with their children, laundry, cooking, etc. Never discount the time it actually takes to stand in line once a week at the post office with a massive box in your hands ready to ship to him. Wine will also help occupy your time.
6. "How much longer until he can get out"
This doesn't matter if he's deployed or not. A lot of us have husbands that want to stay in until they retire. A mass amount of guys reenlist over and over again because they like their job. They also volunteer to deploy again and again to the Middle East because there is work that needs to be done.
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad now that you're used to it"
Ok, granted you have an idea of how it will go. You learn some coping skills. You've done the whole trial and error bit. However, no, the worry never goes away. There is nothing comforting about knowing there are bombs and bullets in close proximity to the person you love. And no, sleeping alone never gets easier. Dreaming about him being there with you and waking up realizing he's not will never be more fun.
8. "My husband goes on business trips a lot, so I can relate"
I try to understand when I hear this - because they honestly are trying to relate the only way they know how. But come on - a week Chicago doesn't equal a 365 in the Middle East. I'm sure the hotel your husband's company puts him up in will be a million times better than the cots and tents my husband is sleeping in. I'm sure that you won't have to hear stories about "water bottle showers" or not being able to take one at all because the water tank that is outside is so incredibly hot that it will burn your skin. I try to not act bitter, but this probably won't make me feel closer to you - it may make me resent you a little bit.
9. "Wow, you must miss him"
This will rank number 2 on the "duh" list. Enough said.
10. "Where exactly is he? Where is that?"
I won't expect you to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but I would hope that you would know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Muhdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and is located in between Iraq and Afghanistan. These are basic facts that are on the news and in the papers.
11. "Well it's his fault he's going over there - he signed up"
Yup, he did. But it's not like he asked to be hit by anything explosive. He simply wants to help protect his country. Oh and by the way, he says "you're welcome" - he's still fighting for your freedom even though you're an idiot.
12. "I support our troops, but I don't support the war"
This one gets me EVERY time. Ok - that sounds great in theory - but can you really support someone that is fighting for a cause you don't believe in? Realize that the media is bias, and they don't cover everything GOOD that is happening. Don't tell me what he's doing is a waste of time or we shouldn't be doing it - because I have to live without him while he is doing his job - and yes I DO think it's important and I think it's because of people like you that we don't realize the danger we'd be facing if we weren't over there.
13. "Don't you miss the sex?! I couldn't do it"
You know what? Honestly, I would hope our relationship is based off of more than sex. I think it's great we can go so long without it. But honestly, why am I discussing this with you?
14. "Well in my opinion..."
Ok, stop right there. I didn't ask you for your political views. I'm all for a debate, if you know what you're talking about, but not at the grocery store, the airport, at school or at the mall. Also, please take note that I'm less likely to listen as closely if you're completely liberal and against everything my family goes through just because you want to make peace with the world. We'll never ALL be friends. Never. Understand that now.
15. "Oh my gosh, that's horrible!"
No. What my husband does is amazing. I sometimes cry even thinking about how brave and wonderful he is. I could never do what he does, which is why God made me his wife and not his co-worker. He deals with more in a day than you will in a lifetime. He has more loyalty and a sense of responsibility than the rest of us ever will - and I'm thankful for that. No, it's not horrible. It's incredible and it's a miracle that people like him exist to protect those of us laying in our warm beds each night.
