February

February. Before I got married, it didn't mean a ton to me. In school, I'd make my Valentine's Day box and look forward to an afternoon school party. I knew that the day after was my parent's anniversary. Other than that, it was just a month.

When I was 16, it came to mean the month that my sister would pass away. The month that changed our family forever. More on that in another post...just for her.

Then it became to be my anniversary as well. I wanted to be an October bride. I wanted the fall colors and crisp air - not red and white with snow on the ground. Jonathon was in Iraq and we had thought he'd get leave earlier or later than February. He had wanted to get married on leave - which was crazy to me, because how do you plan a wedding without a date?! I had agreed though. He called me one day, telling me his leave was sooner than expected. I told him I'd have to think about it. I said I didn't know if I could get it together that soon (the arrangements AND my mind). He called me back later, and I told him I was still on board. Jonathon told me something I will never forget. "Oh good, I was so worried that you were going to say you wouldn't marry me and we should wait now." Silly boy...there was nothing I wanted more than to be yours forever.

We had a lot of factors going against us. A lot of negativity in general. We not only made it - but we were stronger because of it. Iraq was a hard time - in some ways, he and I will never be the same. And in others, I'm so glad we're not.

He and I are surely opposites. We can find a disagreement just about anywhere. We have different backgrounds, interests, favorites and dislikes - but one thing we always knew is that we couldn't be without the other. Being married to him has shown me who I am and who I want to be. He has taught me patience and love, and I in turn showed him trust how to look at the big picture - not just today.

I love that he plans hunting trips with my dad. I like that he and my mom can joke around. I love watching him play with our beautiful boy. Mostly, I love that at the end of the day, he's the last person I think about and pray for and the first email I read in the morning.

I'm not exactly sure what path that the Lord has provided for us yet. I'm not sure where we'll be next year - or next month for that matter. But I pray that the path is a peaceful one - where Jonathon and I walk it hand in hand.

Holy Heck - Where Did 2011 Go?!

I'm not exactly sure what happened to the year. Jonathon has been gone for most of it, and although I was really dreading 2011, it hasn't been as rough as it could have been.

Jackson went from being a baby to a big boy. He runs faster than I can, is saying new words everyday and is just an absolute blessing. His favorite shows are still "Barney", "Chuggington" and "Blue's Clues". He eats just about anything - but will NOT touch Ranch dressing; he's strictly a Thousand Island boy. Weird huh? My child loves salads, broccoli and fish. His favorite dish is pizza (a boy after my own heart!!) and he is a sucker for Friday night Root Beers.

We're still working on the pacifier issue. He only gets it at nap and night time now, but that doesn't stop him from asking for it. I made him a new "blankie" because a couple of them were getting a bit small. (They were crib size, you know)

Jonathon is due home in a few weeks. 2012 is full of unanswered questions for our family, but we leave it to God and hope that His will is also ours. Jonathon, I believe, has enjoyed Korea over all, but is more than ready to be home. It's hard to believe his year is almost up. I think we both are in shock over how fast it's gone.

Jackson is really excited about Christmas. My mom made sure to put her big Christmas village up - it's Jackson's job to turn it on at night. He loves watching me wrap gifts, and he gets to take them into the living room to put on the big stack of presents waiting to be placed under the tree. Jackson is going to have an amazing Christmas - as are all the kids this year. I can't wait to see their faces. I requested a Ninja prep, and I think I got it (ok, I know I did- I picked it up from Bed Bath and Beyond).

I hope to post Christmas pictures shortly after Christmas!!

It's not goodbye...

With such a heavy heart, I say "so long" to my Grandma.

In all fairness, she was 88 years old. She lived life to the fullest, and probably had more fun than most 20 year olds.

I used to joke that she sent me cards for holidays that I didn't even know existed. She never missed a birthday, Christmas or any special day in between. She'd write me a quick note in each card - usually telling me about the weather in Charlevoix or what a great time she was having in Florida.

When my family lived in Las Vegas, she'd spend her day playing Bingo while us kids were at school. She had gold shoes and full "Vegas" Clothes. She was gorgeous even in her golden years. I'd watch her put on her makeup, complete with cream blush. She'd bring me something special if my parents put her up in my room. I remember one time she game me a dolphin necklace with matching earings even though I hadn't pierced my ears yet. I couldn't wait to wear them.

Our summers in Charlevoix were a mix of sandwiches - and just sand. Her house is right on Lake Charlevoix, a place that will probably always bring me a sense of calm. I loved playing with my sisters and cousins on that beach and looked forward to each trip that we were able to take there.

Any memory I have of her is amazing. She was the grandmother any kid would be so lucky to have. We'd spend our evenings playing cards. If there was a card game, she knew it AND she'd have the patience to teach us kids. She'd always say "It's not over until it's over" when I would make note of the scores. My grandma would often times buy us a chocolate treat of some sort for our evening card game.

Her coffee table was covered in gossip rags. Any celebrity story, my grandma knew it. She was a sucker for QVC and reality shows. I don't know any grandma that is that cool.

I started calling her "Gma" long ago. She started signing her cards "Gma" complete with the quotations. Sometimes she'd cross out a cards sentiment and write in her own.

As I got older, I still found so much joy in calling her. In the last few years, I'd call her each week to chat. I'd sit in the parking lot of the kids' schools waiting for them to be dismissed from class and just listen to her stories. She was full of wisdom and kind words. She'd give advice but was equally as good at listening.

When I got pregnant with Jackson, I was 1700 miles from my family. I was going to be a 23 year old with a newborn, and while most would say that we were too young, or question timing, when I called her to tell her she sounded just plain excited. She told me what great parents will be and what a great blessing this was. She never once gave an ounce of doubt or gave any opinion that wasn't happiness. That's what every kid deserves - just plain love, a soft place to land when the world was just too cold that day, a warm heart to tell you that everything will be just the way God wanted it.

When she started having some problems, before I would get off the phone with her I'd always tell her that I'd pray for her. Her tone always changed, and she'd just say "thank you so much, honey". Even from so far away, the sound of gratitude was so obvious. And we did. Jackson and I prayed for her each night. I hope God tells her that we followed through.
We appreciated each others faith and enjoyed talking about God's plan and His love.

As I write down all of my scattered thoughts, I can still hear her voice. When I'd call, I'd say, "Hi Grandma, it's Natalie". Without fail, she'd always answer with, "Oh Natalie!". I know she's better now, with God, my Grandpa and my sister, but gosh I miss her so much already. It makes my heart ache to know that Jackson never met her. She loved him so much and always reminded me what a "Dusdal" he was. I wish he could have experienced her the way I did. I wish she could have stayed around longer to meet future children and see more of us get married. I wish we could have had one last card game.

I can't say that I have many people who have truly impacted me in my life the way she has. I have a select few that really have left me a better person - and she's certainly on the top of that list. I could call her and complain, or tell her something exciting or just chat - whatever it was, she'd talk it through like she had all the time in the world. If I was happy, she shared in that happiness with me. If I was sad, she gave me reasons to be happy. She gave me a dad who is by far the best dad I could possibly ask for. The way she raised her kids gave me inspiration on how I want to raise mine. I could never repay her for those things. I love you Grandma.

Evelyn Dusdal
July 12, 1923 ~ Novemer 18, 2011

He's Gone

After 25 days of fun, laughter, love and just time together, Jonathon had to go back to Korea. Let's rewind before anymore tears creep up on me.

Las Vegas was great. I was able to meet up with Jonathon at the Las Vegas airport. I had coordinated our flights perfectly - - until United decided to make his plane late. Really late. I set up shop in the airport complete with my laptop and some headphones while I watched Netflix. Totally great way to pass boring waiting time. Our driver took us to our hotel, the Venetian (which we loved!) and we started his leave. We rode the gondola, ate amazing food and just spent time enjoying the fact that we were actually in the same country.

As much as Jonathon and Jackson Skype, I was still a little nervous to see if Jackson would take to Jon right away. I mean - he'd been gone 7 whole months! When Jon and I pulled up to my parents house to get him, he ran right to us. He insisted the whole family goes on a walk and he wanted his dad to carry him. The second he called him "Dada", I knew everything was totally ok.

We rented out a vacation rental in Windsor - and we loved it. Well, J and I will be there for a couple more weeks - but while Jonathon was here it was amazingly nice. We still saw my family each day, but we also had our own room. We spent a lot of days doing our own thing, then meeting up with my family for dinner. We LOVED the zoo. Jackson really couldn't get into too much trouble there and he loves to be outside. What a great win-win! We rode the train and the carousel, we fed the birds and watched the lions get fed. We loved it so much, we ended up taking Jackson again.

Jonathon, my dad and brother, Matthew, also went hunting. They met up with Range View Kennels and shot some birds down in Rush. Bob, RVK owner, brought 8 dogs or so, and our pup, Trigger. They had so much fun! Jon can't wait to come home to do more hunting.

We ate at just about every place that Jonathon missed. I think I gained 10 lbs, but that's ok...for now. Overall, we had a lot of fun. Jonathon loved being able to read with J and I at night, say prayers together and just being able to tuck Jackson in. I think Jonathon was shocked how big Jackson really was - and how much personality the kid got since he left.

Jackson's birthday party was a total success. It was SO laid back and nice to just be outside. The petting zoo was a huge hit with Emilie and baby Brian (who isn't such a baby anymore!). We had so many wonderful friends come out for the day and we are so thankful we have so many amazing people in our lives. Magical Memories by Michelle caught the whole event, so I was able to just have some fun.

Yesterday it really hit me that Jon had to go back to Korea. He could tell it was really weighing on my heart and was super sweet about just being understanding. Trying not to be totally depressing, my mom gave us a date day. Jonathon and I went out to eat (minus the high chair!) and were able to putz around town just the two of us. We ate one last family dinner with Jackson before taking him to my parent's house to spend the night. We had to get up at 4am to take Jon to the airport and figured Jackson would be better off with his Grammie.

This morning, we packed his stuff together. We were kind of quiet for some of the ride, just letting it sink in that this was it. He and I decided he'd be getting out of the USAF instead of reenlisting. I honestly thought I'd be more nervous about it - but instead, I just feel like my family will never have to be split up across the world anymore. It's so refreshing.

Jon asked me to come inside the airport with him, and how could I say no to more time. I walked him all the way to the security check point before saying our goodbyes. 4 more months. We've already done the hard part. 7 down, 4 to go. That won't be so bad. Especially with Christmas and moving!

Wow! This sure is long! Quick update on J: He calls his Papa almost everyday and he can cure any tantrum or hurt toe. He says SO many words - he adds new ones everyday. It's unreal! Just a month ago, he didn't have much interest in talking and now he won't stop! He's still the cutest little angel ever.

Pictures

He's growing up..

I just can't believe my boy is almost 2. I've been looking forward to September all year, but only because I knew Jonathon was able to come home and visit us for that month. Now, time has completely passed me by and my baby is actually a little boy.

We all know Jackson has trouble sleeping. He seriously tosses and turns all night, but lately he's been getting out of bed and coming to find me anywhere from 2-7 times a night. The last few times, I've just picked him up and held him close with tears in my eyes because he's just so big. I hold him for a few minutes before laying him back in his bed. I know that soon, the days of him being asleep in my arms will be gone and I'll have nothing left but these memories. How cheesy right? It's just the truth.

He's talking so much and he's learning new words everyday. He asked for his daddy yesterday which really warmed my heart. He came in his room, where I was, and he said "Dadda" and I asked him if he wanted to talk to his daddy and he said yes - so I said "well, where is daddy?" and he brought me over to the computer. Unfortunately, it was the middle of the night in Korea, so I had to tell Jackson that we'll need to wait - but I'm so glad he looks forward to their talks. On the weekends, they usually spend about an hour talking and playing games with each other. J is acknowledging that Jonathon is coming home now, which is also great. I've been preparing him for a while that Daddy is coming home and we'll give him lots of hugs and kisses.

I drove by our temporary home in Windsor the other day. It's right next door to the Pelican Lakes Country Club, so there's water! I am very excited about being right on the Poudre Trail. It will work out so nicely to take Jackson on his walks.

Look out for new family pictures - - my amazing Aunt Michelle is coming out to do sessions for us. I'm SO thrilled because not only does she do the best work, but Jackson responded really well to her last time. She got some big smiles out of him! She's even going to do some of Jonathon and I alone - which hasn't been done in years.

Here's our baby riding his scooter for the first time...

Is it bedtime yet?

I'll be the first to admit that I love my sleep. It's not just something I need to do to stay alive and functional, but it's a hobby. Probably my only hobby - especially since having a baby.

Jackson, for the most part, sleeps through the night. He gets up once or twice, but will go back to sleep once I re-tuck him in. I'll take that! The only issue I'm battling right now is that when he gets up, he takes his pillow, blankie and monkey with him. I have to actually remake his bed a lot of nights. Since breaking down and trying the last possible thing I could think of to get Jackson to sleep past 5:45am, the black out curtains have seemed to work for the most part. I'm officially buying a set for every bedroom in our home and making sure any future children we have start out with these things. I am pretty sure I've been sleep walking for 2 years. I wish I would have thought of this sooner!

We're officially in the 2o's when it comes to taking our little getaway. I can hear it in Jonathon's voice that he's beyond ready to take a break, and I know I'm ready. We sound so old when we talk about it. One thing we're actually really looking forward to is sleeping in. I told my mom that I'm sure my body will still wake up at 7am, but hopefully I can get back to sleep. We've planned a few activities so far, but I'm sure that most of the fun that will come out of this trip will just be doing anything we feel like doing at the time.

I'm thinking about taking a trip to San Antonio in the spring. Jonathon loved it there when he was there for training 2 years back and I really want to take Jackson to Sea World. My friends live closer to Dallas, but I'm hoping we could meet up! Sea World there also has Sesame Street Bay of Play - and Jackson is tall enough to ride those rides.